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"Good morning," I interrupted quickly. Drake turned abruptly and inquisitively gazed up at me with his big brown eyes. I thought he would grow to be just as handsome and cut just as manly a figure as his father. Already he had strong-looking shoulders for a young boy, and his face had the same firm chiseled lines that Luke's had had. "I'm Heaven," I said. "Your older half sister. You don't remember me, but I was here many years ago, when you were just a little baby. I gave you some toys."
He just stared at me. Mrs. Cotton shrugged and went back to preparing breakfast.
"I don't have any new toys," he said, lifting his arms. He was so cute I couldn't help but kneel down and hug him.
"Oh, Drake, Drake, my poor little Drake. You will have toys, hundreds of toys, big toys and small toys, toys with motors, toys you can ride, and you'll have a big place to ride them."
My emotional outburst frightened him. He leaned back and looked past me down the corridor.
"Where's my mommy?" he asked, worried now. "And my daddy?"
Logan appeared in the hallway and Drake's eyes widened with more surprise.
"That's Logan," I said. "He's my husband."
"I want my mommy," he said, getting off the chair, starting past me. I couldn't stop him. I looked at Logan and shook my head. When it ca e to little children, sorrow was like a large wild bird caged. It was too big to live within them.
Drake opened his parents' bedroom door and stood staring at the empty, untouched bed. I came up beside him. He turned and looked up at me, his eyes filled with fear. At that moment he reminded me of Keith when Keith was his age. Keith had such expression in his eyes, too. I took him in my arms and held him close to me again, kissing his cheeks, just the way I used to kiss away the tears on Keith's soft, little face.
"I must tell you something, Drake," I said. "And you must be a big boy and listen, okay?"
He brought his small, closed fist to his eye and rubbed back the beginning of his tears. I was sure he had inherited Luke's inner strength, Only five and he didn't want to show his fear and sorrow. I sat down on the bed with him still in my arms.
"Do you know what it means when people die and go away to Heaven?" I said. He looked at me funny and I realized the confusion. "Yes, my name is Heaven, but there is also a place called Heaven, a place where people go to be forever and ever. Did you ever hear about that place?" He shook his head. "Well, there is such a place, and sometimes people have to go there sooner than they expect," I said.
Logan came to the doorway and looked in on us. Drake eyed him cautiously and Logan smiled as warmly as he could. Then Drake turned back to me, eager to hear the rest of my story. I saw that he was treating it like a story, and I imagined that Stacie often had held him like this and either read to him or told him fairy tales. Only he must not think of this as a fairy tale, I thought. Somehow, I had to make him understand.
"Well, last night God called your mommy and daddy to Heaven and they had to go. They didn't want to leave you," I said quickly, "but they had no choice. They had to go."
"When are they coming back?" Drake asked, already sensing something very disturbing.
"They're never coming back, Drake. They can't come back, even though they want to. When God calls you, you have to go and you can't return."
"I wanna go, too," he said. He started to struggle to get out of my arms.
"No, Drake, honey. You can't go because God didn't call you to go. You have to stay on earth. You'll come with me and live in a big house and have so many nice things, you won't know what to play with or to do first."
"No!" he cried. "I wanna go with my mommy and daddy."
"You can't, honey, but they would want you to be happy and to be well cared for and to grow into a fine young man, and you'll do that for them, won't you?"
His eyes narrowed. I felt his arms tighten and his anger rise as his cheeks reddened. He had Luke's temper, all right, I thought. Looking into his eyes, I thought I could look back through time, beyond Death itself, and see Luke staring at me.
"Don't hate me for telling you these things, Drake. I want to love you and I want you to love me."
"I want my daddy!" he yelled. "I want to go to the circus! Let me go! Let me go!" He struggled against my embrace until I released him. Instantly, he charged out of the room.
"It's going to take time, Heaven," Logan comforted. "Even for a boy that young."
"I know." I shook my head and looked around the bedroom. On the small night table there was a picture of Luke and Stacie standing just outside the house embracing each other. How young and happy Luke looked. How different from the man I knew as my pa in the Willies. If only life had been happy for him. then, it would have been happy for all of us.
"We'd better have some breakfast and get dressed, honey," Logan said. "You want to see that lawyer and then go over to the funeral parlor."
I nodded and rose slowly from the bed upon which Luke and his bride had made love to each other and pledged themselves forever and forever to each other. Now they would be lying side by side in the cold, dark earth.
I hoped that I was right; I hoped that what I had told little Drake was true. I hoped they were called to a happier place, a real heaven.
TWELVE Goodbye Pa
