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Apparently, the shower wasn’t fast enough even though we really did just wash up. Our bodies spent from the night and morning and our minds racing with all the revelations, we just soaped up and rinsed off. Although I did take my time helping Elise dry off. Thoroughly.
With one more soft kiss, she bounds down the front steps toward her car, waving shyly at Sarah and Carsen, but the truth is in her eyes, which are shining bright. Her words come back to me . . . head over heels.
There’s still a lurch in my gut, a moment of worry rearing its dark head. What if she’s bounding off to go tell her boss she just got the best story ever and that’s why she’s so damn happy? I shake my head, letting the thought go. I need to trust her. She said she would keep this secret, and everything about her said she was telling the truth. The look in her eyes . . . if I’m to ever become the man I want to be, the father I want to be, I need to trust those eyes.
Sarah gives me an appraising look as they come inside, her face neutral even as she looks at me hopefully. “Well, how’d it go?”
For some reason, I decide to be playful. “Well . . . I hear that they’ve got good land for sale in Costa Rica, and we can live there for the rest of our lives quite well.”
Sarah sticks out her tongue and punches me in the shoulder. “Come on, I’m being serious!”
I grin, putting an arm around her shoulders. “Better than expected, for damn sure. She says she’ll stay quiet about the whole thing. I want to believe her, but I might’ve also been a bit threatening.”
Sarah grins, elbowing me in the side. “Threatened her? I’m thinking that didn’t go over too well.”
Actually, she climbed into my lap and told me her panties were wet . . . “Well, okay . . .maybe I didn’t exactly threaten her. Just told her that I’d burn the world to ash to protect Carsen if need be.”
Sarah pats my chest, smiling. “That’s not a threat. That’s a promise, because I’d be there with the matches to help you light the flamethrower.”
We walk in the kitchen, where Carsen is already sitting, a pen and piece of paper in front of her on the table. She’s all business. “Again, I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect that you’d have, uhm, company when I came in.”
She’s blushing, but she continues, looking more like the world’s smallest lawyer or politician than a little girl. “What’s the fallout? Whatever needs to happen, I understand. But please, please do not make me change schools.”
She’s poised like she’s going to take notes on some new security protocol, and it makes me grin, but it also makes my heart ache. Most of the time, I still see her as the little thing that used to curl up in my lap and fall asleep to cartoons.
But she’s growing up, too. And she needs to know that life is more than sneaking around to avoid the media. In that, maybe I do need to change, while still figuring out how to protect her. And I thought learning how to play guitar and sing at the same time was hard. “Carson, baby. It’s okay,” I tell her, cupping her face. “This is your home and you did what you have every right to do. I’m sorry that I’ve put you and Sarah in a tough spot, but I talked with Elise. She’s agreed to not write or say anything about you.”
Carsen’s frown softens, and she looks like she might actually smile. “Really? That means I can stay at my school, right?”
I nod, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. “Yes, we’ll ride it out for now. I trust Elise and I think we should have faith that it’s all gonna be fine.” Maybe that’s not entirely true yet, but I’m hopeful and I think parents are allowed to paint an optimistic picture for their kids. At least I hope so, because I’m trying hard to be positive here and not freak out now that Elise is gone, maybe putting my family on the news.
Carson nods, grinning. “Okay, if you say so. Is Elise like . . . your girlfriend now or something? Do you love her?”
Wow, what a lot of stuff to dump on my head at once. The little girl who’s had my heart her entire life, asking all this stuff about Elise . . . how the fuck do I answer this?
I need to reassure her that nothing has changed, that she’s still my priority, but the things Elise said about being a good example, not a martyr, come back to me. Besides, I do need to be honest . . . I know I feel something for Elise, I just don’t know what yet.
