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For a moment, I have a mental flash of him ripping the pink leotard I like to wear for personal practice off my body and slamming into me as I stretch, one leg up and the other out, fully open to his vicious hammering. I know one thing . . . I’d love every second of it.
At the sound of a throat clearing, I mentally return to the present moment to see Dominick looking rather amused and TJ rolling his eyes, although mostly good-naturedly now.
“Oh, uh, thank you,” I tell Dominick.
“Of course.”
We have a moment of eye-fucking, the connection heating up though we both hold our positions on our floor pillows.
TJ decides to break in. “So, Prima Ballerina, tell me all about your new studio work then.”
Eager to keep some positive momentum going, I launch into telling him all about the ballet classes I teach, the upcoming kids’ performance, making sure to also include how successful my Diva Dance classes have been and that I’m leading pole classes at Encore too.
“I’m not going to pretend that what I do is common, but it’s something I’m good at and that I enjoy. And it’s paying off my medical bills faster than any other job I could have so that Mom and Dad don’t have to worry about them.”
TJ frowns. “You know Mom and Dad, hell, even I, would take on those bills in a second if it meant you weren’t a stripper. They worried so much and wanted you to be healthy for so long, and now that you are, you’re an—”
He stops himself, but I want to hear the words. I need to know what my brother thinks of me. “Finish your sentence, TJ. I’m a what?”
He shakes his head, like he knows he shouldn’t say it, but I’m not letting him off that easily. It feels like this fight has been a long time coming, and we need to clear the air, even if it gets worse before it gets better. We’re family, have pressed each other’s buttons for so long and so well, that I know him like I know the back of my hand. So I poke at him, picking at just the right scab to force his hand.
“Don’t wuss out now. You obviously have an opinion, so speak up or shut up. And I’ve never known you to be a pussy.”
He growls. “Fine, you want to hear it? An embarrassment, Allie. You’re an embarrassment. You think Mom and Dad are sitting around bragging about their stripper daughter to their friends over dinner?”
Fury runs through me at his audacity. “Oh, but they’re bragging about their soldier son? Because you’re doing so well right now?”
He recoils as if I slapped him, and I instantly regret throwing that in his face, the shame of my cruelty making me feel small inside. I truly didn’t think about what I was saying, didn’t realize that it would sound like I was blaming him for Janine’s actions until the words were already out.
“I’m sorry, TJ. I didn’t mean it like that, and I shouldn’t have said it anyway.”
But he shakes my apology off, turning his ire on Dominick once again. “You think you’re good enough for my sister, huh? Because what I see is you turning her into a bitch.”
He gets up, shoving the table slightly and stomping to the kitchen, where I can hear him breathing raggedly. My heart is in my throat as I wonder how everything went so wrong. TJ and I have always been so close, two peas in a pod. Sure, we’ve had fights, even some real doozies back in high school, but not like this. I’m horrified, embarrassed by our behavior with each other, but it’s even worse that it happened in front of Dominick. I let my eyes drift toward him, afraid of the judgment and disappointment I’ll see.
Dominick looks to me, his eyes full of so much that I can’t even decipher everything swirling in their icy depths. He takes a steadying breath and looks at me with eyes full of . . . something.
“I don’t, you know.”
I lift my eyebrows questioningly, so caught up in TJ’s outburst and my shame that I’ve totally lost the train of the conversation.
“Huh?”
“Think I’m good enough for you. Your brother’s right. My world is dark and ugly, I’m violent and possessive, and you are light and beauty, strong and wild. But my heart has chosen you, and whether you want it or not, it’s yours. And your heart is mine. You are mine, Allison. I’m choosing to be transparent with you as we agreed, but know that it’s an unfamiliar territory for me. This is only for you.”
I sit quietly, not sure what to say. It’s powerful, more than anyone has ever spoken to me, certainly more than a man has shared. It feels good, but the intensity of his emotions is a lot to bear, and the dark depths both scare me and excite me equally.
