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Michael was just staring at me, his jaw working.
“You can’t deny it. Those were the terms. You got me a green card, I would make you a dad.”
“That is really oversimplifying what we agreed to. Why don’t you just go to bed? We can talk about this tomorrow. Today was a long day.”
I wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do or if I was overreacting but to me his tone sounded condescending and that just was the perfect exclamation point on the whole situation. It was like everything I’d been worried about with another older man right there in front of me. Daddy knows best. Damn. Ignoring the hand he held out for me I just shifted past him out of the closet and went to the bedroom. It seemed to take all of my energy to even climb up onto the mattress.
Michael didn’t follow me and that was fine with me.
I thought I would have trouble falling asleep but the day caught up me with. I was out instantly, though my last thought was that I was having a baby.
Holy shit.
* * *
The apartment was a disaster of dirty glasses and plates, overflowing trash receptacles, and linen napkins the caterers were supposed to pick up in three days’ time, the day after Christmas. It matched my mood as I pulled blankets and a pillow out of my closet in the bedroom. Chaos and confusion. Felicia was already asleep. I took the bedding to the couch, trying to process how I was feeling. I was really damn upset that she thought I was capable of such a dick move as to get her pregnant on purpose.
But I wasn’t going to explode our whole relationship over that. I just figured she needed rest and time and I needed to let her have that. But there was no denying I was pissed. And excited. And concerned.
We would have a real conversation the next day and everything would be resolved. It would be fine. Hell, fucking awesome.
It had to be.
After turning off the Christmas tree lights, I watched TV until three in the morning, tossing and turning on the couch, before finally falling asleep. I woke up to Felicia shaking me.
“What? What’s wrong?” The shaking was aggressive. I rubbed my forehead and eyes. “What time is it?”
“I have no idea. Why are you sleeping on the couch?”
“Because I thought you needed a good night’s sleep. I didn’t want to disturb you. And I was pissed off,” I said. I wasn’t about to deny that.
She was leaning over me, her dark hair falling over her face. She looked as angry as I’d felt the night before. I waited for her to say something. When she didn’t I closed my eyes again. It felt like I’d been asleep for an hour, tops.
“Michael!” She shook me again.
“What?” I sighed and forced my eyes open again. God, I hated mornings.
“Can we please talk?” She sat down in the chair across from me, pulling her legs up under the T-shirt she was wearing.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, assessing her color. She looked a lot better.
“I feel okay. I slept hard.” Then without preamble, she said, “What are we going to do?”
I sat up, swinging my feet around to the floor. “About what?” I knew she meant everything, but maybe we could start with one specific portion of the overall issue.
“Don’t be daft. About the visa. We’re supposed to be deciding this week if we stay together or not.”
That wasn’t already a guarantee?
Fuck. I needed coffee. “Let me start the coffee. Do you want me to make you tea?”
“Yes. But do you want to be with me or not?”
I was halfway to standing. I reached out and squeezed her knee. “Sweetheart, I just bought a four-million-dollar townhouse for you. I thought it was obvious I wanted to be with you. Besides, I never would have agreed to a party with all my family and friends present if I wasn’t already sure about my feelings.”
She put her chin on her knees. “But you didn’t say anything last night at the party. There was no toast, or declaration of your feelings.”
Oh, God. I’d stepped into that trap? “I didn’t think you were the grand gesture type of woman. I’m sorry if I disappointed you.” I was. “Besides, I’d just found out about the pregnancy and I had a lot of shit running through my head. I didn’t know you needed a speech.”
