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I made a face at him. “Thanks for your sympathy.”
It had been pointed out a time or two that I might be a whole lot like my grandfather. We cared but we had a difficult time showing it. Also, cynicism ran deep in our bones. It was a Kowalski trait. Yes, we were born that way but it didn’t help that my grandfather had lost his wife and his son and I had lost a grandmother and both parents. We were two cynics not so much clinging to each other as poking at each other with love.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Sure, it sounds like a raw deal. But you’re not the owner, Sid is. He can do whatever the hell he wants and you have to follow his rules. Just do what the new chef tells you to do and then hit the gym afterward and throw your fist into the punching bag.” He shrugged. “Either that or quit. Those are your options, kiddo.”
“Those options suck.”
“Yeah, well, so does unemployment.”
Gus had sold his own lucrative electrician’s business a few years earlier. He had rewired half the houses in the Hamptons in his heyday, so I wasn’t sure what he knew about unemployment.
I lay down on the couch, kicking my shoes off as I stared up at the ceiling. “You know what else sucks? My friends are all doing the couple thing. Leah and Felicia are married. Married. That’s crazy. Savannah is engaged and has a one-year-old son. The only one of our group still single is Dakota.”
“Aren’t you happy for your friends? Don’t be catty.”
“Of course I’m happy for them.” I folded my hands over my stomach. “I’m not jealous either. I’m just selfish. Who am I supposed to hang out with all the time? They’re moving on to the next phase in their lives and won’t have time for me.” It sounded really bratty when I said it out loud. But I didn’t mean it that way. I was just worried I was going to be lonely. I was used to having my girl gang at ready access whenever I wanted.
I didn’t like being alone. It took me back to being a teenager and losing both of my parents and feeling like I was a tiny grain of sand in a vast expanse of beach, shifting and rootless. When I had been forced to move from suburban New Jersey to Manhattan to live with Gus and my grandmother, I’d had a rough couple of years. Then I’d met Savannah and finally felt that, aside from my grandfather, I had a friend who would always have my back.
Gus didn’t say anything for so long I turned and glanced over at him to see why he wasn’t talking. He was grinning. “What? Why are you laughing at me? Is my loneliness amusing to you?”
“You seem to be missing the obvious here.”
“What is that?”
“You could find a boyfriend yourself.”
I pulled a face. “Gross. I don’t think that’s in the cards for me.” It wasn’t like I objected to falling in love. Not exactly, anyway. It’s just that it terrified me if I were being honest. Being vulnerable. It made me shudder.
“A shrink would have a field day with you.”
That made me laugh. I pulled myself back into a sitting position. “Thanks. Why is that?”
“It’s obvious. You lost your parents and now you’re afraid to fall in love. I don’t need a degree to see that.”
He was right. That didn’t mean I liked hearing it. “They’d say the same thing to you, old man. Maybe you can put a ring on the widow Johnson’s finger.” Gus kept claiming Helen wasn’t his girlfriend, just a friend with benefits, but you only had to be around her for three minutes to see she was wildly in love with him.
“Mind your own business. We’re content with things the way they are.”
“Have you asked Helen that lately?” I asked, highly doubtful she was content with casual.
“Why would I ask her that?” he asked. “I might not like her answer.”
Apparently relationships at seventy were no easier than they were at twenty-eight.
“We’re two sides of the same coin, Gus. Which makes sense since you raised me.”
As always, he pulled no punches. “Don’t give me that bullshit. I didn’t get my hands on you until you were fifteen. Your parents raised you and they had a wonderful marriage.”
He was right. He was always right. “Can you just let me wallow for like two seconds?” I asked.
That made him let out a rough, rattling laugh. “You want to wallow in your feelings or act like a quitter, you’re not getting any sympathy from me. You know better than that.”
I did. And honestly, I loved him for it. He’d helped me drag myself back up when I could have gone deep down a dark road. “So what you’re saying is you're not going to marry Helen?” I asked.
“Not anytime soon. But this isn’t about me. I’ve already had the love of my life. Don’t deny yourself that joy, Isla.”
