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“Oh, I think that goes without saying.”
It did. “I told you the first time we met you don’t scare me.” Not in that way, at any rate.
Nope. She scared me in the sense that damn, I could really fall hard for Isla.
And then what?
I had no clue.
The drive to Saugerties went by fast. Sean and I had easy conversation the entire way. I wouldn’t have expected we had as much in common as we did, but he’d talked about his grandmother being pivotal in his life. About his passion for food.
“I left that part out,” he said. “When I told you about getting sick of takeout. My grandmother was the only one in our family that cooked and after she died, I was angry at myself for not learning in her kitchen. So I started as a homage to her and then found out how much I liked it. How I could express myself creatively through food.”
“I definitely understand that.” It told me a lot more about Sean. I realized I had pre-judged him, mostly based on his attitude in the elevator, which had been because he was claustrophobic. He hadn’t exactly put his best foot forward but I had held him to those eight minutes and that wasn’t entirely fair. Right from the beginning at Bone, he’d made an effort to reach out and try and include me and Martin.
Not that I wanted to think about Martin and get myself all worked up again.
“This town is adorable. It reminds me of where I grew up in Jersey.” It made my heart ache, actually, if I were honest. The drive in was all trees and the
expanse of the Hudson River, with an impressive lighthouse. Then the downtown area was brick buildings of various heights and paint colors dotting the street. Most of the windows had eyebrow arches, detailing that added to the charming appearance of the town.
Most of the time I stuffed down my feelings about my childhood, which wasn’t particularly healthy. But when people asked where I was from I always said New York. Which I was, after the age of fifteen. I hadn’t lived anywhere else in thirteen years. But before that I was a small-town girl.
“I used to spend summers here. My parents wanted to escape the heat in the city and would come down on the weekends but they left me here with my grandmother full-time.”
Sean pulled into a parking spot downtown and put the car in park.
“With your siblings?” I asked. “I’m jealous. Sometimes it really sucked being an only child. Especially in the summer when my friends would go on vacations.”
“My siblings never came. Michael was always sent to fancy camps or a couple of times to Europe with my father’s family. Maeve went to equestrian camp every year and at least twice she went to Paris with my mother. But I came here.”
That made me frown. What was his family’s issue with him? Sean wasn’t looking at me. He was staring at the storefront directly before us.
“I didn’t mind, not exactly, because I was happier with my grandmother, but when I was seventeen and I found out that my father wasn’t actually my biological father, it made a whole lot more sense.”
“What?” I gaped at him. I had not expected him to say that.
He turned and gave me a shrug. “Yep. Turns out my mother went on a cruise with her girlfriends and got a whole lot more than a tan. My father found out when I was eleven and while he wasn’t cruel to me, he distanced himself. I think my mother always looked at me and was internally wincing at her lack of judgment.”
“That’s horrible. It’s not like it was your fault.” I was appalled for him.
“No. That’s why grandmother was my safe haven.” Sean shook his head slowly. “I don’t know why I just told you that. No one knows I’m not actually my father’s son except for Michael. I don’t even think my sister knows. I did tell Jasmine when I was about twenty-four and my mother had said something really cutting in front of my girlfriend. I was embarrassed and needed to share with her. But other than that? No one knows. Not extended family, not friends.”
The comments his mother had made to me made more sense now. She looked at her son and saw all her own flaws. That she wanted to play up his promiscuity and unable to settle down was a deflection away from her own guilt.
I reached out and put my hand over his. “Thanks for sharing something so personal. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been to deal with.”
He turned his hand and laced our fingers together. “Thanks, Isla. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, but I do miss my grandmother.”
“Do you know who your biological father is?”
“Some dude from Scotland who had a charming accent and was the chef on board the ship.” He grinned. “A therapist would love that but I swear it has nothing to do with anything. Maybe genetically I’m drawn to food, but I’m not some guy trying to connect with a man he’s never met. I really don’t care who the guy is other than to feel bad that he has DNA walking around and has no clue.”
“That is a little crazy, isn’t it?” I tried to imagine not hating my parents forever if they had kept a secret like that from me. But not only did Sean not seem resentful he put up with his mother’s shit. I was impressed with how prosaic he was about the whole situation. It could not have been easy to learn he wasn’t who he thought he was.
My heart squeezed. I definitely had misjudged Sean. He was a decent man.
“Come on, let’s go inside.” He let go of my hand and opened his door.
