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Unfortunately, Martin was standing in the main thoroughfare between our two stations and he came over to me. “Not now,” I told him, on the verge of a serious meltdown. “I am not in the mood.”
“Look, I wanted to apologize. My beef isn’t with you. It’s with Kincaid.”
“Fine, then go hash it out with him.” Then I thought about it. “But you made it about me when you stole my menu so if you’re apologizing for that, I accept.”
He went on like I hadn’t spoken. “A few years back he hooked up with a girl I was seeing and I’ve never really gotten over it, I guess.”
“You’re married,” I pointed out. “And have been for twenty years. Did he even know you were seeing this woman?”
“No, but–
“No buts!” I was so over Martin and his ridiculousness. “I don’t care. I just feel sorry for your wife.”
The pettiness was more than I could deal with at the moment. I was sorry I ever gave him any thought or attention at all.
I found a spot by the front gate and I called my grandfather. It was almost five so I knew he would already be up for the day. He still kept his pre-retirement hours.
“How’s the cook-off going?” he asked.
“Fine. I think. But Gus, I screwed up.” I bit my bottom lip and paced back and forth.
“What did you do, mix up the salt and the sugar?”
I started to laugh, then I realized given how distracted I was that was entirely possible. Good thing I was on the fire, not the prep. “No. So I’ve been secretly dating our executive chef, the guy I told you I kissed a few months ago.”
“I know.”
“How do you know?” Did everyone know?
“It was written all over your face when I saw you last week. You’re in love with him. Let me guess. You panicked and couldn’t commit to him.”
“Basically. I freaked out when I thought someone found out about us and Sean wanted us to come clean and I said no. Now I think he might be done with me. He said maybe it isn’t our time if I’m not ready.”
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know.”
“Listen, you need to stop trying to prove yourself to other people. You’re worthy of your position at the restaurant and you’re worthy of love. You need to stop worrying about what people think and let it be. Live your life.”
“I don’t worry about what other people think,” I protested weakly. Even as I said it, I realized I had been equally concerned about losing respect as I had been about losing my job if people found out about me and Sean.
“Does he make you laugh? Does he have your back? Would he be a good partner, a good father?”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, quieting my fears. Sean absolutely was all of those things. He was excellent at teasing me without offending me. He respected me at work. He was honest with me and he was fantastic with kids.
“Yes,” I said, swallowing hard. I glanced back to where our station was. I really did love him.
“Then don’t be afraid to feel all of those things. Take a chance. Yes, you may lose him but if you hold back you will definitely lose him. Be the badass that I know you are and tell the man you want him.”
Be the badass. I could do that.
“You’re right, you’re one hundred percent right. Thanks, Gus.”
“Let me know how it goes. I’m coming down there later today to get some lunch.”
“I’ll save a plate for you in case we sell out.”
“Did I ever tell you about your great-grandmother getting her first job in New York? She was eighteen years old and fresh off the boat from Poland. She marched into a factory in the garment district, set her lunch pail down on the floor manager’s desk, and told her in Polish, ‘I work here now.’ The woman didn’t even know what the hell she had said but
