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I’m so happy, and so fucking scared it won’t last, that something bad will happen and tear it all down, like it did last time I felt this way—right after Cole was born and my wife was diagnosed with cancer. It killed Emma and crushed me until I thought I’d died along with her.
Until Octavia came along and pulled me out of that dark hole I’d fallen into, helped me get my feet under me and find my way. She healed me, gave me my family back. My kids, who barely knew me. This joy in life. And now she’s about to give me even more.
Thankfully, the ceremony is almost at its end. As I glance around, I see Octavia’s mom waving at us from two rows behind us. Gigi and Merc, Octavia’s siblings, are there as well. Gigi makes faces at me—or maybe it’s at Cole who’s also turned to look. He’s bored out of his mind, sitting here for so long.
Worry hits me when I don’t see Kaden and Hailey anywhere. They said they’d be here, and my mom is babysitting their little son, Shawn, and baby Ashley for this very reason.
Relax, I tell myself. They probably came late and got seats in the back. Kaden’s fine. I’m only worried because the concussion he got a few years bac
k—the one that made him amnesic for a week and made us all fucking sick with fear—led to post-concussive syndrome. That means he’s suffered from headaches and some dizziness since then, but truth is, he’s been doing much better this past year.
He’s better, I repeat to myself. He’s fine. Nothing happened. Stop trying to jinx yourself for no good reason other than for being happy and at peace.
Mary tugs on my arm, arching her brows at me and pursing her lips. Code for ‘turn around and pay attention to the ceremony,’ I guess. The dean of the college or some such guy is droning on about education and hard work and the future of the state. I force myself to sit still and pretend to be paying attention, seeking out Octavia with my gaze.
She’s standing off to the side, together with her class, staring right back at me. I grin at her, and she smiles back, her face bright. She’s all I can see, and it’s all I can do not to jump up and run to her, take her in my arms, kiss her senseless.
I’m so fucking proud of her. So fucking in love with her.
Again my chest tightens, and my lungs won’t get enough air. Dammit. My breathing does this funny thing sometimes whenever I get anxious. It started when Emma died, though it got better when Octavia entered my life. Tonight is a joyful night, goddammit.
Calm the hell down, Matt.
I wish Kaden were here to tell me that. Easier to listen when it’s your brother telling you to relax than the stupid little voice in your head, the same one that whispers all your fears and doubts to you in the night, getting you in this damn sorry state in the first place.
The speaker who’s been monopolizing the mike says something that has everyone clapping like crazy, and I blink.
“It’s over,” Mary says, in that haughty voice she has been using all night. I wonder what’s up with that. “You can go to her now.”
“What?”
“To Octavia. You’ve been acting like a stupid boy with her lately.”
Ow. Shit, okay, I really need to talk to my daughter, see what’s bothering her so much. I know for a fact that she loves Octavia to bits, and she’s never been jealous of my love for her, so what’s going on, huh?
But Cole is already on his feet and running toward his favorite person in the world, and I scramble up to follow him. Yeah, first things first. This is Octavia’s night.
We’re about to celebrate.
* * *
“It’s done,” she squeals the moment I put my arms around her and spin her a little, Cole hanging to her gown. “It’s over.”
“You’re amazing,” I tell her, my chest filled to bursting with all the love for her, and slide my hand down to her slightly rounded stomach. “I’m so damn proud of you.”
“Thank you,” she whispers, her eyes shining. She pulls Cole to her side. “Where’s Mary?”
I glance at the front row where my daughter is sitting primly, legs crossed, the cell phone Kaden gave her in her hands. She’s typing something, a frown on her pretty little face.
“Wow, who is she texting like that?” Octavia’s eyes narrow. “A boyfriend?”
The fuck. “I’m confiscating that damn phone tonight.”
Octavia laughs, wraps her arm around my back, leans her head on my shoulder. “Relax. Probably just a friend from school.”
Her scent wraps around me like a hug, and I sag a little as the tension leaves me. Having Tay pressed to my side is the best thing in the world—ranked up there with having my kids in my arms, and my brother by my side.
Best feeling ever, this certainty they are well, and right here, with me. Everything’s fine with my world right now.
