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Of course now to this small circle was added Matt, Octavia’s husband, and his kids, his mom, and soon Octavia’s baby. Sydney was an addition as well, though excuse me for having my doubts right now about the wisdom of that—and Jarett.
I used to trust him. Trust him to have my back. To listen to my stories without judgment. To be there—with the secret hope he’d eventually open up to me, just like I had to him. That he’d want more from me, just like I did from him.
And here I am, bewildered and aching with something I don’t dare name.
I ring the bell, and drum my fingers on my leg while waiting for Octavia to open the door, nervous. I don’t want to talk about this, about my confusion, my feelings, my mistakes and doubts.
Problem is, I can’t seem to find a solution on my own. I want to believe that Jarett is good, deep inside. That his bad moments can be explained.
What am I doing? What do I think Octavia will tell me? God…
I turn to leave, but the door opens, and Octavia calls my name.
Turning back around, I paste a smile on my face. “Tati. How are you? How is Bean?” I nod at her belly, and oh my god, it’s enormous. I try not to gawk. “All good?”
“We are. Come on in.” She leans in and I kiss her cheek, then walk inside the warm and cozy house she and Matt keep. “The kids are at their grandma’s. It’s just us.”
“Oh good,” I say, distracted as she waddles toward the living room. “Is Bean behaving?”
She and Matt decided they don’t want to know the gender of the baby, who therefore has no name, so I named him or her Bean. I think it’s perfect.
“Yeah. Getting too crowded in there, I think.” She settles down gingerly. “Now talk to me. You got me so worried. I thought something bad had happened.”
“Sorry,” I say again and sit across from her, in one of the armchairs. “I honestly didn’t mean to alarm you. Something’s on my mind, that’s all, and I wanted your opinion.”
“About what?”
“About Jarett.”
“That’s not a something,” she mutters, leaning back, wedging a cushion behind her with a sigh. “Jarett… isn’t that the guy you had a crush on a couple of years back?”
Okay, so everyone and their grandmother knew about that. Go figure.
“I don’t really know anything about him, Gigi,” Octavia says, more quietly. “Not more than you do, anyway. Let me see… He lived in our old neighborhood. He was adopted, I think? Had a stupid shit of a brother. You often walked with Jarett home from the bus stop. You had a crush on him. Have a crush on him, from the look of things.”
I roll my eyes. “I like him, okay? But here’s the thing. He’s a bit of a douche sometimes... and Merc told me Jarett’s in a gang—”
“Oh God.” Octavia pales. “Gangs are dangerous.”
“I know that.”
“And if he’s acting all douchey with you…”
“Not always.”
Now it’s her turn to roll her eyes. “Are you listening to yourself? ‘Not always?’ And that’s good enough for you? A guy who treats you well sometimes, but is mostly an asshole to you?”
I cringe. “It’s not like that…”
“Then what is it like?”
“He’s… an ass sometimes, true. But other times he’s the Jarett I knew. Concerned, and nice.”
She sighs. “When he’s trying to get into your panties?”
“I, uh.” My face warms up.
Her brows go up. “He’s already dipped his hand in the cookie jar?”
