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Maybe it’s just the shadows.
“Nothing,” I mutter, fumble with my pack of smokes, and although my throat feels like I swallowed a cheese grater, I consider lighting up another.
“I told you to get that guy. Instead you fought with Dec and Jorge and beat them up good. What the fuck, Jarett?”
I shrug, my shoulders aching with tension. “That guy was an innocent bystander. Besides, he didn’t see a thing.”
“Fuck. Your heart is too damn soft for this game.”
What is he now, the voice of my conscience?
He’s about to kick me from the gang, I sort of feel it in my gut, and I can’t afford that. Kicking me out means shooting a hole through my chest, and then who’s gonna look after Sebastian, and his mom?
I have to make my case or I’m a dead man walking.
“You’re wrong,” I tell him, my voice sounding harsh in my own ears. “Listen to me.” I meet his gaze, hold it even if it gives me the creeps. “I could have put a bullet through the guy’s brain. But killing him would have got everyone into so much fucking trouble, and you know it.”
He draws smoke into his lungs. “Keep talking.”
“My job is to keep you safe. By you I mean Sebastian, and then the gang. I do what is best for you, not whatever your bloodthirsty mind dictates. Simple as that. You pay me to protect you. That’s what I’m doing.”
He arches a brow. “Bold. I like that. You have backbone, unlike your brother.” He gestures for me to come closer, and I do, not trusting him, prepared for the worst. When he grabs my arm, I jerk a little. “But the thing is, Jarett, I call the shots around here, not you. You’re just hired help, nothing more. When I say, get that guy, you get that guy. When I say fetch, you fetch. When I say roll over, you roll over. Do you fucking understand?”
Dammit.
I nod.
He stares at me for a few long seconds, his grip tight on my arm, his eyes narrowed and bloodshot. “You’re either all in or all out in this business, Jarett,” he says, and I hate my name on his lips. “There’s no halfway, and you’re halfway. Not a good place to be. Got no protection from either side that way. Choose a goddamn side, or I’ll choose for you.”
The side of the gang, of the family—or the side of the law.
The side of past promises—or the side of hope.
As he releases me and I stumble back, I’m not even sure I’m sent home to ponder his words, this impossible choice he’s putting on the table, or if he’s made the choice for me, if he decided I stepped over the line and I’m done.
But as I step further back, he doesn’t come after me, or gesture for Declan and Jorge to tear me to shreds, something I’ll bet they’d be fucking delighted to do. As Angel puts out his joint and climbs into one of the cars, Mav into the other, and the gang scatters, no gun goes off, no bullet tears through me.
Alive. Still alive.
I watch them go, and then I turn and head off in the direction of home, putting one foot in front of the other, my brain empty and buzzing.
I realize I didn’t even think to see where Sebastian was headed, if he went into the car with Angel or Mav, or just left with the others.
Shit.
The wind slices through me, and I barely feel it, my hands shoved deep in the pockets of my threadbare jeans. Good thing Angel and Mav didn’t drop us off far from where I live. As I approach the campus, I find streams of students passing around me, as if I’m a rock in a river.
It’s earlier than I thought, the whole breaking and entering, saving a man from getting beaten to a pulp and then getting threatened by Angel didn’t take all that long. It just felt like years to me.
Across the street, I see Declan and Elena walking, heads bowed together, and a shiver goes through me.
Dammit.
I pat my pocket for my keys, staring blindly at the students passing by, heading toward the nearby bars and bus stops and carparks, wondering what’s on their minds, if it’s just how to have a good time out, a good dinner, a good fuck. If they worry about money, and rent, and the future, like me.
Probably.
God, I wish I only worried about that stuff, that the other, bigger shit didn’t hang over my head all the time. If only life would stop dry-fucking me in the ass for a while…
