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“I know. Hey, look, I’m not normally this fucking careless, and I didn’t try to off myself, I swear. I could have taken a handful of pills and still not have di—”
“It’s not funny, Merc!”
“Fuck, I know, okay? I’m sorry I worried you all.” I glance around at their pale, exhausted faces and am glad Mom isn’t here right now. “So fucking sorry. I was too tired to think straight, and I made a mistake.”
“God.” Octavia sort of launches herself on top of me and hugs me tight. “I can’t lose you, little brother. Don’t ever scare me like this again.”
Cos moves away slightly, to give us space, but I grip her hand tighter, keeping her beside me.
“I won’t,” I promise Octavia, and all of them. “I’m ditching the pills, okay?”
Though God knows how I’ll be able to catch any sleep without them.
One problem at a time.
Then Gigi is there, too, beside Octavia. She slips an arm around my neck and mumbles something accusatory against my shoulder.
“Sorry, sis,” I tell her.
“You should be sorry,” Matt growls. “That was hell, man. Turned my beard gray. Not cool.”
I grin shakily at him. “You know my sister finds those gray hairs sexy, right? Soon you’ll be a silver fox, and—”
“Merc!” Octavia swats at my arm, reddening, but at least the atmosphere lightens.
“And she’ll love that, too,” I finish, exhausted, and let my head fall back against the pillows. I still feel like shit, that much hasn’t changed.
“Okay guys, back off.” That’s Jarett who tugs Gigi away, nudges Octavia to the side, and pushes a mug of steaming coffee into my hands. “Life elixir,” he says gravely.
“I owe you,” I reply just as gravely, accepting the mug and taking a long gulp of sugary coffee. My stomach twists, but I’m determined to ignore it. “Anyone else who wants to play ‘flay Merc alive’?”
“Don’t be mean.” Gigi sniffles as Jarett gathers her into his arms. “And overdramatic. We thought the worst there for a while.”
The alternative “guilt Merc to death” game is even crueler, let me tell you.
“Sorry,” I say again. It’s becoming an automatic response by now.
“Will you talk now about your dreams?” she continues, on a roll. “Or will you keep ignoring them? I told you we had to talk.”
“You did. You were right.” I sigh. “So was Octavia. And Cos. I thought that… if I didn’t talk about them, they’d go away. Like any self-respecting dreams would. But guess what,” I finish a tad bitterly. “I won the lottery with these nightmares. They’re here to stay.”
“No, they won’t.” Cos slips her arm around me, and some of the tension leeches out of my body. “You said it. We’ll get to the bottom of this.”
“You’ll talk?” Gigi looks so relieved I feel even more like an ass for delaying this discussion for so long. “For real?”
I frown down at the covers Cos pulled over my legs. “I can tell you what I dream about, but you… you have to tell me what could be real. Where to find the clues.” I look at Gigi, then at Octavia. “I can’t really remember what happened that night in my past. I’m not lying about that, Ginger. I just can’t remember. Whether it’s repressed memories or not, I can’t access them. I need your help.”
Cos shifts away from me. “Maybe I should let you talk—”
“Please stay.” I grab her before she gets away. “Please, Cos. Need you here.”
And yeah, I totally blame the lingering effects of the sleeping pills for saying this in front of everyone.
But her eyes brighten, and she smiles at me so fucking sweetly I draw her in for a kiss. “Then I’m staying,” she whispers against my mouth, and again my body sags in relief.
Matt hoots.
Yeah, the air is definitely clearing.
