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He breaks the kiss, bent over me, blond hair falling in his eyes. I tug on his shoulders, digging my fingers into his solid muscles, but it’s like trying to move a rock, or a mountain. He’s still, so still he doesn’t seem to be breathing. He’s looking down at me, but a shadow is coming over his face.
Help me, he whispers as he starts to fade, like a ghost, like a cloud.
“Merc!” I call his name, or try to. My throat is closing up. “Merc, wait.”
Help me, he says once more and disappears.
I sit up with a gasp, horny and terrified.
What a weird dream. A golden boy like Merc can’t have any problems. He has a good family, good friends. Why am I worried about him? Especially after he ditched me the other day, stood me up, left me waiting without an explanation.
Come on, subconscious. This is ridiculous.
I sigh and rub at my eyes. I haven’t been sleeping well ever since I got back. Lots of dreams. Weird dreams. About things I thought I’d forgotten, erased from my mind. My parents fighting, screaming and throwing things at each other. Soph crying.
And Merc. I keep dreaming of him, and it’s always hot, and sweet, and worrisome.
It’s not the first time he’s asked for help in my dreams.
Why would Merc be visiting my dreams to ask for help? Me of all people? I’m a disaster in my own life. What are my dreams trying to tell me?
I mull over this as I brush my teeth, then make coffee and drink it seated at the kitchen counter. Obviously something is bothering me, like a thorn under my skin, and it has to do with Merc.
Probably just the fact that he didn’t show up that day.
That must be it. It shouldn’t have bothered me so much. I mean, I even left my phone number with the waitress in case he came by later. And so what?
Let it go, Cos.
I thought I’d stomped on the broken pieces of my heart until they turned to dust after my last boyfriend kicked me out, after he told me what an idiot I was to think he’d stay with me when he had his whole life in front of him.
Just like Mom walked out on us to live her life, after dragging us all over the country, after all the scandals that got pinned on us like dog shit.
Like Soph walked away saying she needed to find her own way.
Too many abandonments, okay? I know I have issues. Anyway…
God, what a pity party I’ve thrown myself. Someone put up some streamers and get hold of a Mariachi band.
This isn’t like me. I need to get out of this funk. Get myself together. Like I told Lin, I’m a big girl. I don’t need anyone to save me. I can take care of myself.
I don’t need anyone at all.
But I’m still looking morosely into my empty coffee mug a while later when my bestie wanders out of her room, yawning hugely. It’s as if… I need some reassurance—that I’m making the right moves.
That I’m well within my rights to be mad at Merc.
“Lin,” I pounce. “Merc set me up, right?”
“Wha? I just woke up, woman. Gimme a minute.” Her hair is dyed a pinkish red these days, and it’s falling across her face. She pushes it out of the way to search for a mug in the cupboard. She stops with her hand inside the cupboard and turns a bleary eye on me. “Wait, who?”
Oh right, because we have a pick of assholes to choose from. “Merc!”
She blinks, turns back to the cupboard and extracts a black mug with a pink heart stamp. “I don’t know.”
“What? Lin.” I groan. “You told me many times over he played me. That I was better off forgetting about him. That it’s for the best that I had to go when I did and that I can now take some time off men for real and rebuild my life.”
She huffs. “Sure, but that’s what I got from your retelling of what happened. You never seemed to believe it.”
