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“Oh, Soph…” I reach across the small table and take her hand. “He will. Give him time.”
“I am. Since I met him again, he’s been sick and getting worse. It’s as if…”
“As if what?”
“As if I’m the one making him sick.”
“Oh, girl, no. Don’t ever think that. Jesus.”
She pulls her hand away. “Sorry, I… I can’t think straight.”
The way she can’t meet my eyes tells me she really believes that. That she’s the cause of Griffin’s pain.
“This isn’t black magic, Soph. You can’t get a guy sick by loving him.”
“But it may be psychological. Maybe he doesn’t want me here.”
“Did he say that? That he doesn’t want you here?”
A shake of her head. Then she puts a hand over her mouth and looks away. Taking a deep breath, she lets her hand fall to her lap. “I don’t know, Cos… I just don’t know what I’m doing.”
I wish I could tell her to walk away, that staying with a guy who isn’t sure he wants her is a bad idea. Been there, done that.
But I say nothing.
Soph says I could crash on Griffin’s sofa at home, and though this is awkward, as I don’t know Griffin, and it sounds as if they aren’t really together yet, my sister and him, beggars can’t be choosers. I don’t have money to throw away on hotel rooms if I can avoid it.
Sitting with her in the waiting room of the hospital, trying to get comfortable in my impossibly hard seat, I think of Griffin’s battle against disease and death, and how terrifying that has to be. He’s only a couple of years older than us. Too young. Can he beat this and get well?
Then I think of my dream in the bus and drowning in that clear, glass-like water.
Of reaching for Merc and not being able to save him.
I’m hit by a sudden, overwhelming need to see him, touch him, make sure he’s okay. It’s probably the talk about Griffin, seeing my sister so distraught, the hospital’s sterile hallways and nauseating smell I remember so well from when I broke my arm when I was nine.
Reminding me how short and precious life is, how fragile every moment, how immense the gap left by someone’s absence.
God, I miss Merc.
Now wait a minute, this is crazy, I only saw him two days ago, not a month or a year, but… I miss him so much. I can’t already be regretting not taking him up on his offer… right? I never relied on anyone in my life. I don’t need him to come over and coddle me, sit beside me and drive me around.
I’ve got this. It’s okay.
“Is everything okay back home?” Sophie asks. “The classes, work…”
“Yes. The kitty is fine, too.”
She nods distractedly. “Oh good.”
A doctor passes by and she follows him with her gaze until he disappears into another room.
Then she puts her face in her hands. “This is a mess, Cosie.”
“What do you mean? The docs—”
“Griffin’s broke. All these doctor appointments and treatments and tests and medicine are paid by the government, but he lost his job months ago, owes many months of rent, has lots of other bills accumulating, and I don’t have any money left to help him out.”
Oh shit.
