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Land me a better job. A legal one.
And then maybe Audrey will...
Will what? Don’t be such an idiot. Too many ifs in my plan—go back to the club, make them take me on. And win. Preferably without getting crippled for life.
Fuck Christmas. I’m not going to Audrey’s or anywhere else for that matter. I’ll train. I’ll be ready. I can do this. For once in my life I have a goal.
I’m gonna turn my life around.
Chapter Nine
Audrey
Christmas Day.
I’m standing at the bay window of my living room, staring out at the grey of early afternoon. Snow is falling in light swirls.
I spoke to my mom in the morning and we wished each other a Merry Christmas. Then I tried to work on my astronomy project but had to stop because I couldn’t concentrate.
Today’s supposed to be a happy day, a fun day. This is my first time without any family—or friends. The loneliest Christmas in history. How depressing.
And Ash hasn’t come.
He said he wouldn’t, but I held out hope he’d change his mind. Not that I can blame him for not coming. I didn’t even find the courage to apologize to him, and after what he’s been through, I can understand the anger.
I know anger. After the accident, fury had boiled in my veins. I’d wanted to scream and kick and break everything down. The unfairness of it all had been too much to bear. Why me? Why my dad? Why?
Maybe I can understand Ash better than anyone. So ironic.
But he kissed me. The memory lingers, making me feel hot and restless. The way his hard body pressed against me, the power of his arms, his tongue thrusting into my mouth... God. I want to touch him, skin to skin, explore his body. I want to see how hard he is for me, to touch his arousal, feel it, stroke it.
Okay, something’s definitely wrong with me. I’ve never felt this way about any other boy. Besides, Ash obviously doesn’t want to see me again, and here I am, fantasizing about his hot body.
Get real, Audrey.
Getting through this holiday alone is going to be a bummer, but I’ll make it just one more challenge. I can do this. I’ve been through so much worse that I know I can do almost anything.
On most days, that is. On others, especially after waking up from a nightmare, the world crashes around me, sending me to my knees.
Not today, though. I’ve cooked a simple pasta with sauce from a jar and watched TV. Played my music real loud and danced around the apartment to the sounds of German groups, the strong percussion of In Extremo and the mellower melodies of Faun and Helium Vola.
Now I’m resting, watching the snow. And for later on, a special dessert waits in the fridge—my favorite cherry pie and whipped cream. I have even bought white wine and chilled it, though I’m not sure I’m going to have any. I don’t like drinking alone.
Come on, Christmas. Give it your all. I’ll be fine.
Tessa and Dakota, Dylan and Rafe will be back in a couple of days. Meanwhile, the shops will open again and I plan on going shopping, and then to the movies.
I’ve learned a few things about solitude, living with Mom these past few years. I’m fine on my own.
Still... It isn’t just any day. It’s Christmas, a time spent with family and people you love.
Get over it.
I move away from the window and the gloomy thoughts. A mindless show is playing on TV and I turn it off. Reading might be a good idea. A romance. Snug and warm in my bed, losing myself in worlds where love is easy and you know the ending will be a happy one.
I change into my teddy bear jammies with my bunny slippers. I take my hair down from its tight ponytail and head to my room, when the doorbell rings.
I freeze. It can’t be...
