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Then again… He rarely says anything. To anyone. He’s pretty much the tall, dark and quiet type.
A very sexy tall, dark and quiet—
“How’s the new job?” Seth asks, glancing at me in the rear-view mirror, his dark eyes shining, his mouth curved in a smile. He reminds me so much of Shane sometimes. “At the gym. Saw you there the other day.”
“You go there? Oh my God, I didn’t see you!” I wedge myself between the backrests of the two front seats and put my arms over their shoulders. “Do you go there often? Do your friends go? It’s a nice gym, I like it so far. The owner seems like a decent guy, and the—”
“Cass.” Manon reaches up to put a hand over my mouth. “Stop. Take a breath.”
“Okay.” I giggle. “I’ve shut up. Done.”
“You’re nervous,” Manon says. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Yeah. I know.”
But I don’t. Not really. Losing someone’s trust is easy. Getting it back… is a bitch. And although I have other friends from the previous job at the sports shop where I met Ev, and the other gym where I worked, it’s not the same. I want this group to like me, let me in.
Crazy, huh? I guess partly it’s because this is Shane’s group, and despite not really knowing where I stand with him, either, I like him. Like, really like him. I wish he’d let me in, open up. Show me if we’re friends, or if he wants more.
Like I do.
Partly it’s because this is the group where my two besties hang out, Manon and Ev. Their boyfriends belong here, and so do they.
And then there’s the fact that it’s like a family. The Inked Brotherhood is the core, the dynamo behind this circle of love and warmth, and the Damage Boyz gravitate around them, getting pulled in to the trajectory, becoming part of the system. Warmed by the same burning sun of energy and affection, tied by the same brotherhood bonds that have transformed a group of virtual strangers into a unit, a single beating heart.
I’d like that. To be part of that family. More than I’d ever admit to myself.
“That’s our gym,” Seth is saying. “We go there once a week to train with Rafe in self-defense. I also go once a week on my own to train my shoulder, make it stronger. It’s one of the places where we hang out.”
I nod, listening with half an ear as we drive through the snowy streets, searching for a parking spot near Halo. It has started to snow again, delicate flakes falling on the windshield, swept off in a blink by the wipers.
We’re almost there.
***
I’ve been to Halo once or twice over these past months. My first reaction after I realized the error I’d committed and the anger I’d sparked was to keep away from here, from all the usual haunts of Ev and Manon’s friends.
But lately I’ve been coming over for a drink or two. Sometimes, if Shane is here, we play pool. I like watching him play. Watch as he bends over the table, watch that cute ass, those powerful muscles in his arms and back rippling as he prepares his shot, unaware of me.
My guilty little pleasure. I watch and store the images in my brain, so I can recall them at night, alone in my bed with my trusted vibrator, and pretend it’s him who’s touching me, spreading me, thrusting inside me.
If only. He’s never looked at me that way, and it looks like he’ll remain that: a fantasy.
Tonight, though… Tonight the whole bunch will be here, making plans for Zane and Dakota’s wedding, and although I have no hopes of ever getting an invite to a wedding from this group again—totally my fault, I know—this is my chance to finally speak to Jesse and Amber. Make amends.
These two have avoided me to this day, which makes sense. They are the ones I hurt the most. They’re the ones I need to see.
Guilt churns in my stomach even after more than half a year. Nobody believes me, but I really didn’t mean to hurt anybody. And no matter how many times I rehash this argument, it always boils down to the same: I screwed up royally. I am sorry. And no matter how sorry I am, I can’t just undo the damage.
I wish I could.
Seth finally parks and we get out of the car. God, it’s cold. Having grown up around here, I should have gotten used to it by now. Then again, Manon’s right. Despite my long coat, it’s clear my clothes are kind of skimpy for this weather.
But a girl needs to look good, right? Especially when going to battle, a hopeless battle to win back the impressions.
And if Shane’s there, too… Man, I hope he is. If he isn’t, I might just turn around and run away. His presence always gives me strength, makes me feel better. Even if he doesn’t speak, or smile.
I think about that as I hurry after my love-struck friends toward the bar. Even if Shane doesn’t tell me his life woes or talk to me about his day, even if he doesn’t always laugh at my silly jokes, I know he’s paying attention. He is focused on me, like nobody else.
