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Aware that neither boy knows my true desires.
Jethro finally turns, and his jaw clenches. He trails his hand over my side before stepping aside. His hands curl into fists, and he widens his stance, lifts his chin. “It’s not her fault.”
My throat closes up.
Strangely, a tiny smile tugs at Donna’s lips. “I see.” Then she turns toward me and her gaze grows hard. “She’s innocent.”
Jethro frowns. “Yeah.”
“You sure about that?”
Please, I beg her with my eyes. Please don’t say anything.
She only sighs and tugs on her wild red hair. “I came looking for Jethro, actually. I need a copy of your diploma for the records. Doesn’t have to be tomorrow, but the soonest you can, okay?”
She leaves the room before Jethro answers, though I notice his back tensing up more.
“Don’t worry,” I tell him. “If anyone gets into trouble, it’s going to be me.”
And rightly so.
“Not your fault.” He rubs his hands over his face. “When I’m around you, I can’t keep my hands to myself.”
My heart beats faster. I can’t, either, but I should.
He kicks at the table, and I flinch. He has every right to be angry. At me. For leading both him and Joel on—only that’s not what I’m trying to do.
I don’t know what I’m trying to do. What I want isn’t possible, and I’m hurting them because I’m not owning up to it.
Jesus, I need to come clean. Need to know for sure. I open my mouth to say something, confess to wanting them both, to my fantasy with them.
“What about Joel? Do you want him, too?”
I bow my head. Shit. There’s no answer that will fix this. “I do.”
And Jethro is already turning to go. “You should go with Joel,” he mutters. “I’m a fucking loser.”
“Jethro…”
“I’ve got some things to take care of. If Donna asks.”
“Things?” I hurry after him. “What things? I mean, Jethro, wait!”
A loser? Why is he saying that? And why for the love of God can’t I stop obsessing about both of them? Why can’t I stop kissing them?
It’s just lust. I should be stronger than that, surely. I can’t let the fact they’re both smoking hot studs rule me. I can be strong. I can be just friends with them.
But before I can find Jethro to tell him of my decision, I find out he’s left the shop, swapping lust for a flash of worry.
&nb
sp; Between wanting them and worrying about them, how am I ever going to find peace?
Chapter Eleven
JOEL
“Girls are like sugar,” I tell Jet as we lounge on our sofa, playing Call of Duty.
