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Pandy agreed to give the shrink a try, but she had to admit she was terrified. She hated confrontation, especially when it meant she might be told a truth she wasn’t going to like. She was pretty sure if she asked Jonny to go to a counselor, he would ask for a divorce.
The thought made her feel sick. It was like the mirror under the Christmas tree had finally broken. And now it was in her stomach, the shards stabbing her insides like tiny butcher knives.
Jonny came home two days later from another trip to Vegas. Pandy tried to pretend that everything was the same: greeting him with enthusiasm, opening a bottle of wine and pouring out glasses. She tried not to react when, as usual, Jonny kissed her absentmindedly on the forehead. Mumbling something about work, he sat down in front of the TV with his laptop on his thighs. It wasn’t long before he got the inevitable phone call, the one that he always took in the bathroom because it was “business.”
Pandy realized Suzette was right: She couldn’t go on like this. “Jonny?” she asked, knocking on the bathroom door, and then angrily trying the knob when she heard him laughing inside. The door was locked; she pounded on it until he blithely opened it, still wearing a smile for whoever it was on the other end of the phone. Then his eyes focused on her, and his face twisted into that old puppy-dog expression that now made her sick. As he closed the door again, Pandy heard him hiss, “I don’t have much time.”
She stood there for a second, feeling too insulted to knock again.
Instead, she went into the kitchen and opened one of Jonny’s most expensive bottles of white wine. She tipped the bottle and poured herself a big, tall glass. She planned to sip in style while she girded herself for the inevitable confrontation. For surely it was coming. Just like that big fat pink cupcake of a storm that had brought them together in the first place.
That was only four years ago. And it was all so perfect at the beginning. Why had Jonny ruined it?
She took a gulp of wine, and hearing Jonny’s footsteps in the hall, braced herself.
He came around the corner and gave her what was now his usual look, the one she hated—a tight grimace of annoyance and incomprehension. Pandy had a nearly uncontrollable urge to throw her glass of wine in his face. Only some ancient code of propriety prevented her.
“I’ve had it!” she shouted. Taking a threatening step toward him, she spat, “Listen, buddy. I’m giving you one last chance. You agree to go to a marriage counselor, or else.”
Jonny was so arrogant, he actually hadn’t been expecting this. It was as if he had no idea she’d ever been unhappy. This was the only way she could explain his stunned expression. Which went on for several seconds, as if he were seeing his life pass before his eyes. He was such a narcissist, Pandy thought.
And picking up her purse and slinging it over her shoulder, she realized she couldn’t even be bothered to hear his answer. Yanking open the door, she shouted angrily that she was going to go stay with one of her “buddies” while he thought about it.
She hadn’t gotten more than two blocks before Jonny called. And trying to laugh it all off, he convinced her to come home.
Where, sipping the wine she had poured him earlier, he contritely agreed to see a therapist. Pandy was so floored, she barely registered Jonny going back into the bathroom to make another call. Then she realized that she needed to make a call as well. Grateful that Jonny was in the bathroom, she went into the bedroom and, in hushed tones, explained every detail to Suzette.
“This is amazing,” Suzette shrieked. “Your marriage can still be saved.”
And once again, because there was still some stubborn piece of that stupid fairy tale hidden away inside her—like a gold crown secreted inside a piece of Mardi Gras king cake—Pandy convinced herself it was going to be all right.
And then the dam broke and relief flooded in when she realized that the fact that she and Jonny were seeing a marriage counselor gave her an excuse to tell her friends the truth about her marriage: It wasn’t perfect after all.
In fact, at times it wasn’t even that great. But the good news was that while she and Jonny had grown apart, they’d realized it just in time and were going to fix things. Once again, all her friends were thrilled for her. All except Henry.
“I don’t like it,” he’d said warningly.
“Well, everyone else does,” Pandy said, not having the patience for a naysayer at the moment.
“My guess is that he’s placating you.”
“Men hate shrinks. And if there’s anything Jonny is, it’s a man. I promise you, he really wants to make this marriage work.”
“I’m sure he does. After all, it’s worked very well for him so far, hasn’t it?” Henry drawled ominously. ?
??He has everything he wants. Technically, he’s married, and yet he conducts his affairs like a single man.”
“That isn’t true,” Pandy snapped. Angered by Henry’s unhelpful perspective, she recalled what Jonny had said about Henry being like a character in an old black-and-white movie.
* * *
The shrink asked: “Why did you fall in love with Jonny?”
The question reminded Pandy of all those meetings with editors and studio executives when they talked about male characters. The biggest question in the room was always: “Why did she fall in love with him if he turns out to be so awful in the end?”
And despite hours spent debating the topic, there was only one answer: He wasn’t like that when she fell in love with him.
Or was he, and she just didn’t know it yet?
