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He rolls his eyes. “Like you’ve never done that before.” He makes a come-hither motion with his hands. “Bring it, baby. I ain’t scared.”
I haven’t had this much fun in a really long time. “I bet I can make a better dough doggie than you,” I taunt, and I rush past him toward the back door. He grabs me around the waist and shoves me behind him so that he can get in front, and I screech and grab his waistband, pulling for all I’m worth so I can get out in front of him. “Stop!” I cry when I realize I’m losing. But Aaron rushes through the door ahead of me. And he runs straight into a stony-faced Mr. Jacobson.
“Sorry,” Aaron says quietly, holding his head down like a puppy who has been caught in the trash.
“Were you born in a barn, son?” Mr. Jacobson asks.
“No sir,” Aaron replies. “Sorry.”
Mr. Jacobson glares at me, too. “Both of you need to cool your jets.” He glares at us both. “And I know just what you need.” He steps to the side and I find Jake on the other side of him, standing in a shooting stance while holding the pistol-grip sprayer end of a garden hose.
“Oh, you wouldn’t dare!” Aaron yells, but he’s already laughing. He runs behind me and grabs both my arms, holding me in front of him like a shield.
I struggle to get free. “Eli!” I yell. “Help me!” Aaron might have just finished chemo, but he’s strong as an ox and I can’t get out of his hold.
Eli chuckles and steps to the side. “Get ’em, Jake!” he says.
Jake depresses the lever on the sprayer and the cold water hits me right in the face, leaving me gasping.
He freezes. “Oops. I didn’t mean to hit you in the face,” he rushes to say. He holds up his hands in surrender as I advance upon him. “Seriously, Bess, I didn’t mean to.” He lifts the sprayer again and holds it at the ready. “Step back, Bess, or I’ll have no choice but to use deadly force.”
I advance on him and he ducks and runs in the other direction. He carries the sprayer with him. I grab the hose and give it a jerk, and it comes free of his hand and falls onto the porch. I tug the hose like it’s a rope, bringing the sprayer toward me, but at the last minute Mr. Jacobson grabs it and holds it on all of us like he’s holding us hostage.
“All of you are acting like you don’t have a lick of sense,” he says. He glares at each of us in turn. “Is this how you act when you go to somebody’s house?”
“I live here,” Jake says, raising his hand like the teacher has called on him in class.
“Then you of all people should know how to behave!” He depresses the lever and hits Jake straight in the face with a blast of water. It’s much more forceful than the blast Jake hit me with. Jake sputters and wipes his face clear with a frustrated swipe. “Pop,” he warns.
“Pop,” Mr. Jacobson repeats, mocking Jake’s tone. I cover my mouth when another snort escapes. “And you,” he says, putting all his attention on me. I cower like the child I am. “I’m pretty sure you started all this.” He aims the sprayer at Aaron. “Between the two of you, I’m not sure which of you is worse.” He goes back and forth, aiming between me and Aaron, and Aaron pushes me in front of him and uses me like a shield again.
“Oh, you!” I cry, and I wiggle to get out of his grasp, but he just laughs and holds me tighter. “You dickweed! Let me go!”
/> “Language, Bess, there are children present,” Aaron scolds. “Wouldn’t want to harm their impressionable little ears.” He jostles me back and forth, following where Mr. Jacobson is moving the sprayer nozzle back and forth between me and him.
I look over and see the children. Alex and Sam stand with their mouths wide open. Trixie and Kerry-Anne look on with smiles on their faces, and Gabby stands holding Miles in her arms and she just looks resigned to all this. Kind of like so this is the life you’ve given me, huh? Okay.
“Kids, you have to help me!” I cry out to them.
That’s when I feel it. From over my head, a torrent of water rains down. It hits Aaron first, who sputters and looks around, trying to figure out where it’s coming from. Then I see Eli standing there holding an empty bucket, which he has just upended over mine and Aaron’s heads. “Oh, you!” I cry. “I’m going to get you for this.” I wipe my hair out of my eyes.
And that’s when Mr. Jacobson opens fire on all of us. He gets me and Aaron first. Eli has the audacity to gloat, so he nails him too. And poor Jake, who was the mastermind who created all this, gets the brunt of it. He puts his hand up to block the water that’s shooting at his face, to no avail.
“Oh, my God, what are you all doing?” Katie cries as she waddles down the steps onto the porch. “Have you all lost your minds?” She looks from one of us to another, and I can tell she’s more than a little disappointed in all of us. But then Mr. Jacobson, being the man that he is, sprays her too.
She sputters and wipes her face. “I will get you when you least expect it, old man,” she warns, but she’s laughing at the same time. She shakes the water from her hands and lifts the tail of her shirt to wipe her face, exposing her great big pregnant belly. “What is wrong with you people?” she asks as she marches back into the house.
“You’re in trouble,” Jake sings out in Mr. Jacobson’s direction.
“Shit,” Mr. Jacobson says. “I really didn’t think that through.” But then he starts to laugh, and he sends one of the kids to get some balloons they can fill with water. It’s a beautiful summer night. Why would anyone want to stay dry?
The kids bound off in different directions, some to get buckets and others to get balloons, and Aaron pulls me into a headlock, scrubs my head none too delicately, and says, “I love you, Bess.” He grins at me as he sets me back from him.
“I love you too, you big dummy,” I say.
One more summer. But hopefully, it’ll be the best one yet.
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