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“You’ve been crying.”
I touched my cheek. “So the hell what? It’s been a stressful day.”
A frown tugged at his lips. “I didn’t peg you for the crying type.”
“I guess you don’t know me then.”
“I think what happened was too much for you. It’s okay, it really is.”
“No, it isn’t.”
He stepped forward. I stood my ground, glaring hate. This bastard pulled me around like a puppy on a leash and I hated him for it, hated him so damn much.
“You’re human. You feel things.”
“I’m not supposed to feel like this.” I despised his handsome face and his smooth skin. I detested his full lips and muscular arms and chest.
But most of all, I loathed my own weakness.
“Why not? Most people don’t go through bloody ambushes like we just did and live to talk about it.”
“I’m supposed to be an Oligarch,” I said quietly, hands balled into fists. “I should be stronger than this. A few dead soldiers—”
“They were people.” His tone was sharp. “All of them were people. It’s okay to mourn them. What happened was senseless.”
He came closer. I tilted my chin up to meet his gaze. I shivered, not sure if my shaking was from my damp hair and the cold, or if he made me feel something I still couldn’t understand.
“It’s not only that. It’s Neil. He was like—” I stopped myself and shook my head. “It’s stupid.”
“Say it.”
I sucked in a breath. “He was like me.”
He nodded and touched my arm. I flinched back, but didn’t retreat further.
“You see yourself in him. I’m surprised, but I shouldn’t be. He wanted to escape his family and start his own life, and you’re doing the same thing. Except for where he wanted to run and hide, you’re trying to step up and take power. He thought he could live in the shadows, but you won’t ever go back to that, will you?”
“Never,” I said, feeling the old surge of rage.
“Why do you hate them so much?”
I looked away. Penny, Livvie, Darren, Anthony. They were never bad to me. They treated me like one of their own.
And for all they knew, I was.
“It’s complicated.”
“I know complicated. I’m the son of an Oligarch too.” He smiled and sat down on the end of the bed.
I hesitated, but sat next to him. I was always surprised by Redmond’s size, the sheer force of his presence. He filled the room with his magnetism and I kept getting drawn closer and closer, despite wanting to run away.
“It’s not the same. There’s a difference between being the oldest son and being the oldest daughter. You were given things I could only dream about.”
He tilted his head. “Like what?”
“Freedom. Respect. Your father brought you into the business. I know he did. Mine did the same with Darren.”
“And you weren’t?”
“Not once,” I said bitterly. “Even when I tried. I wanted to be useful to my father. I wanted to be a part of the family, not just some extra body he could marry off when it was convenient. But he never let me anywhere near the empire, and I didn’t find out until later—” I stopped myself, not ready to tell him that part, not yet. My darkest secret and biggest shame.
He bobbed his head, frowning at his hands. “It wasn’t as good as you might think it was.”
“At least you had purpose. I was a broodmare at best.”
He took a deep breath and let it out. “When I was younger, I thought the Orchard family was the only important thing in the world. I cared about the business more than I’ve ever cared about anything until—” He glanced at me and kept talking. “That all changed when my father got involved with Maeve.”
I stood up like he’d stabbed me in the leg. “He did what?”
He looked at me, surprised by my reaction. “He had an affair with Maeve.”
My stomach twisted. I felt sick, disgusted, like I wanted to throw up. “Your father and Maeve. Does that mean she’s—?” I couldn’t finish the sentence. The idea made me want to rip out my tongue and set fire to my lips. I was shaking all over.
But he only laughed and shook his head. “This happened a long time after I was born, and besides, she rejected him. I don’t know the details, but I heard the rumors around the house. My father wanted her, but she didn’t want him, and it drove him insane.”
I felt myself deflate. Maeve wasn’t his mother. God, that was good. For a second, I wondered—
But it didn’t matter. I tried to hide my discomfort by sitting back down. I put my hands between my legs to keep them from shaking. “What happened? After she turned him down?”
“He took his anger out on me. He got bitter. Everything I did was wrong, and he didn’t hesitate to tell me. Sometimes he got violent, but I was old enough to defend myself by then. Still, it got ugly, and he made my life hell for a decade until I finally ended things.”
