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A moan drifts from me as I tighten my hold on his shoulders, soaking in all the pleasure he’s giving me.
Again he’s made me feel something I’ve never felt before. It’s the first time I’ve orgasmed with a man.
The pleasure begins to fade, and my body stills against Damian’s as he slows the kiss while he pulls his hand out of my pants. His mouth breaks away from mine, and then he sucks his middle finger into his mouth.
Holy hotness.
Settling both his hands on my hips, he just stares at me, his icy blue eyes filled with the intensity of what we just shared.
What we just shared.
Ahh…
Damian’s not saying anything, and I begin to feel awkward. I let go of his shoulders and quickly straighten the fabric around his neck.
Then it sinks in – in broad daylight, I just jumped Damian on the back of his truck. I rubbed myself shamelessly against him.
I actually initiated intimacy between us even though I thought I wasn’t ready, and… it confuses me.
“Look at me,” Damian murmurs softly.
I shake my head and start to get up, but his hands tighten their hold on my hips, and he yanks me back down against his still hard cock.
My eyes dart to his, and it makes my cheeks flame even more.
“Talk to me,” he says calmly.
“I don’t understand how you can be so calm about this. Why would you even want me?” I try to get up again, but he won’t let me up. “Sam,” I snap, using his real name to show him I’m serious. “Let go of me.”
A predatory look shadows his eyes, making them look like frozen ice. “Don’t you fucking Sam me.” He yanks me closer until our chests are flush against each other. “I kissed you, Cara. I touched you. I want to fuck you, but you’re not ready,” he spells the words out to me. “I wanted this. I want you.”
Damian shakes his head and then pushes me off of him. We both stand up, and I watch as he jumps from the back of the truck. I hurry to the tailgate and slide down.
He starts to walk away from me but then stops and swings back. “You have got to stop thinking I wouldn’t want you,” he snaps, clearly upset.
I don’t think I’ve seen him upset before, and it makes me realize this is hard for him as well. Damian is always so calm and strong I tend to forget he can hurt as well.
He stalks toward me, and grabbing hold of my hand, he presses my palm to his hard-on. “You feel that?”
I nod quickly, unable to form words as my mouth goes dry.
God, he feels huge.
“That’s me wanting you, Cara. I want you every fucking day. I jerk off like a fucking teenager in the shower. Every. Fucking. Morning.” He lets go of my hand and then stalks back to the truck, climbing in behind the steering wheel.
I stare down at my hand, his words playing over and over in my mind.
Damian wants me.
I know he’s right. I’m the problem. It’s hard to believe someone like him would ever want someone like me.
Feeling confused, my emotions are all over the place. I don’t get back in the truck.
“I’m going to walk home,” I say, and then I head toward the beach.
I don’t hear the truck start as I get lost in my turbulent thoughts.
Damian wants me.
I was able to be intimate with him.
Yes, there was panic, but when I looked into his eyes, it faded away. There was only him and how he made me feel.
No demons.
Does it mean my feelings for Damian are stronger than my fears?
Is there hope for me to be whole again?
I have to think this all through and make sure I’m ready. I don’t want to mess up my chance with Damian. He’s too important to me to risk losing.
My feet stop, and with the ocean to my left and a lining of trees to my right, I admit for the first time that I’m ready.
I love Damian, and my biggest fear is that I’ll lose him.
If that ever happens, I won’t survive, and it makes all my other fears pale in comparison.
Chapter 31
DAMIAN
Things have been awkward between us the past couple weeks. Cara’s quiet, only talking to me when I ask her something.
We work. We eat. We sleep.
It sucks, but I’m determined to give her the time she needs to process what’s happening between us, even though it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
It’s eight on a Friday night, and she’s in bed pretending to be asleep.
Sighing, I get up and walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I reach for the toothpaste, I notice it’s finished. I crouch down, and opening the cupboard under the sink, I grab a new tube.
