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When we reached his room, he tossed me down onto his bed. The jolt of the short drop drew a burst of laughter from my chest as joy soared through me. I’d never felt so happy, so free.
Sebastián approached me, and I noted the silk ties wrapped around his fist.
He wanted to bind me again?
“No,” I protested. “I want to touch you. I want to see you.”
His eyes flashed, and his jaw firmed. “I can’t let you do that, nenita. We do this my way.”
I got up onto my knees and covered his fist with my hand, gently pushing the ties away.
“Please?” I asked softly. “I know that you like…” My cheeks burned at my inexperience, but I pushed on. I wanted him too badly to allow shyness to silence me. “You like being in control.”
“You seemed to like it last night,” he countered before I could finish, his fingers flexing beneath mine. “You seemed to like it when I took you over my knee and spanked you.”
“I did,” I said quickly, not wanting this moment between us to sour. “I do like it. But I want to know you, Sebastián. This time, I want to touch you too. I want to look into your eyes.”
It would be terrifying to allow him to look into my soul as he claimed me, but I still craved it. No matter how vulnerable it made me, I wanted to see my husband come undone, just as he shattered me with pleasure.
He stiffened, his powerful muscles rippling as though under some invisible strain. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
I traced his knuckles with my thumb, peering up at him so that he could see the depth of my belief in my eyes. “You won’t hurt me. I know you won’t.”
He gave a jerky shake of his head. “That’s not what I mean.” He raked a hand through his silver hair. “I knew you would want more from me. I don’t want you to be upset when I can’t offer anything more. This is how it has to be between us, Isabel.”
He was retreating from me, putting up walls between us, just like he had when he’d shut me in my own room last night. I didn’t want any distance separating me from my husband. We belonged together.
I placed my palm at the center of his chest. His heart hammered beneath my tender touch, and his obsidian eyes flashed with something between warning and desire.
“Please,” I beseeched, “let me in. Let me be with you.”
One big hand settled over mine, holding my fingers captive above his heart. “You are with me,” he promised. “We’re together, Isabel. You’re my wife.”
“Then why don’t you want me to touch you? Why won’t you let me see you when we’re together?” I asked, my eyes beginning to sting. I didn’t understand why he was denying me this; why he was denying us.
His gaze searched mine, lines of tension drawing deep into his handsome face. “The answer will hurt you. I never want to hurt you, Isabel.” He brushed a tear from my cheek, wiping away the wetness with one of the silk ties that was still wrapped around his fist. “No, don’t cry. I’m going to take care of you. Trust me.”
“I do trust you,” I swore, pressing my hand tighter to his thumping heart. “But I need you to trust me too. Even if what you say will hurt, I want to hear it. I want to understand. I want to know you, Sebastián.”
He released a shuddering breath, and his expression hardened into something grim, as though he was steeling himself to face something awful.
“You’ll regret this,” he warned. “Nothing will be the same between us.”
No, I didn’t want things to be the same. Foolishly, I dared to hope for more. Even if the truth was a knife to my heart, I could bear it. Because I loved my husband, and I wanted him to love me too.
CHAPTER 25
SEBASTIÁN
Something crumbled at the center of my chest. I didn’t want to tell Isabel the awful truth. How could I tell her that when I looked into her eyes, I saw my worst sin: the betrayal that’d haunted me for more than three decades? How could I tell my sensitive young wife that sometimes I found myself dragged down into dark memories when we were together? All I wanted was for her to feel safe and happy. The truth would destroy any hope that she might feel that way with me.
But I couldn’t hold back any longer. If I fucked her now without being honest, it would be a violation. She wouldn’t willingly submit to being blindfolded and bound. I could seduce her into accepting things on my terms, but she would hate me afterward.
I couldn’t bear for her to look at me with hatred ever again.
