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I shifted my touch just long enough to grip her waist and position her body so she was curled up in my lap. Then, I resumed petting her. She snuggled closer with a happy humming sound.
“I missed you, angel,” I said, my voice a pleased rumble.
“I missed you, too,” she admitted. She lifted her head, her beautiful blue eyes catching mine. “You said we could talk. I’m still not happy with you, but I want to hear what you have to say.”
I lightly rubbed a pressure point behind her ear, and her lashes fluttered as she practically purred.
I chuckled. “Are you sure you’re not happy, angel?”
“Stop distracting me and talk,” she grumbled, but there was no real bite in the order.
I took a deep, sobering breath. It was time to discuss the reality of her situation, and that knowledge cooled most of my lust. Once I was finished, she might turn from me in disgust.
But I’d never earn her trust again if I wasn’t honest with her. I needed her trust; I craved it. The feel of her softening beneath me as she gave me everything was too addictive. I’d risk anything to have that back.
“I’m not a good man,” I murmured. “I’m not, but I wanted to be.”
I still wanted it, but now that I’d been dragged back to my violent life, I knew that was just a childish dream.
“That’s why I ran away to Cambridge,” I continued. “I wanted to start over, to have a simpler life. I thought I could have that with you, but instead, I pulled you into my world. And I’m sorry for that.”
She stared up at me, hopeful. “So, you are sorry for kidnapping me?”
“I’m sorry I put you in danger. But no, I’m not sorry Marco took you and brought you to me.” Raw honesty was the only way forward here. “I want you, Ashlyn. I need you with me. I was a fucking mess without you.”
“I wasn’t doing great without you, either,” she admitted. “I want to be with you, but not like this. Can’t we just go back to Cambridge? I’m scared, Joseph. Marco said you’re part of the mafia, and he said your enemies… He said they’d hurt me.” A small tremor ran through her body.
Damn Marco for scaring her. He’d been trying to talk some sense into her, but he’d been too blunt. I never would have told her the fucked-up things our enemies might do to her if they caught her. I wanted to shield her from that fear.
“We can’t go back,” I told her, the words acid on my tongue. I wished we could, but I wouldn’t be able to protect her there. Not by myself. The dream of sharing a normal life with her was shattered beyond repair, and all I could do was let it go. Marco was right; this was our reality. Ashlyn and I both had to face it.
“I am sorry for that, but I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Even if that means you hate me for keeping you here, I’ll do it.”
“I… I don’t hate you. I don’t think I’m capable of it.”
Relief surged through me.
She doesn’t hate me. It wasn’t the same as trusting me, but it was a start. I’d earn her trust back. It would just take time. She’d adjust and accept her place here with me. It might never be possible for her to return to her old life. Even if we dealt with my father’s enemies and the immediate danger passed, she was in my world now.
I might not like the world I lived in, but it would be bearable with Ashlyn in my arms.
“I’m everything Marco said I am,” I told her. “I’m all that and worse. Like I said, I’m not a good man. But I’ll be good to you. I’ll take care of you, just like I did in Cambridge. I might have hidden my past from you, but that part of me was never a lie. All I want is to take care of you. I know you don’t want to be here, but I’m still going to try to make you happy. Will you give me a chance to do that?”
Her eyes were tight with longing. She wanted everything I promised. She wanted to be sheltered and adored.
She just didn’t want to be my captive.
“I want to go back to school,” she begged. “Please, take me back. And stay there with me.”
Maybe Marco had been right to be so blunt with her. She still wasn’t fully grasping the danger she faced.
“I wish I could give you what you want, but I can’t. I can’t make any promises about taking you back. I can’t let you go. I won’t.”
Ashlyn was mine, and it was time she acknowledged it. She already belonged to me. I could feel it in the way she leaned into me for comfort even as she begged me to release her. This might not be the way she wanted to be with me, but at least we were together. My life had been hell without her, and I wasn’t sorry for keeping her.
I’d just have to remind her how good it could be between us.
I shifted my hand in her hair so I grasped her nape, and I pulled her toward me so I could finally capture her lips.
