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“Did you say, you saw Alessandra? As in, the Alessandra that walked out on you last year after that crap that went down with Auntie?”
I grimaced. “She did, but it hurts to hear it, you know?”
She waved a dismissive hand at me, and I frowned at her. At least care a little bit about my feelings, cousin dearest.
“Where did you go? I asked you to take my son for a walk; I hope you didn’t go anywhere too far.”
“Seriously, what do you take me for? If you distrust me this much, why did you call me to come and look after him in the first place?”
“Because I was desperate and you were the last person I thought of,” she said bluntly.
I stared at her for a long moment. “Tell me again exactly why we’re close? I feel like I should leave now before you insult me further.”
“No, no,” she said quickly. “I’m really sorry, okay? I do trust you; it’s just… I haven’t heard much about her since what we heard about her exam. I didn’t have the time to look for her, but she wasn’t keeping in touch, and I wondered if she didn’t move out of town.”
“She told me she lost her phone when I ran into her in the park. She was pushing a baby with her, Wendy.”
Her mouth went round in a soundless “Oh.”
She understood the implication of what I was saying.
I had kept it in when I saw Alessandra. At least, I hoped she hadn't been able to read me as quickly as Wendy seemed to be, but I had not been okay to see her pushing a stroller, like the one I was. I hadn't tried to look, because I didn’t want to come off as overly curious, but I had wanted to see Danny that was in it. At first, I’d wanted to lie to myself that it might be a doll or a dog in there. But I heard Danny cry.
“Was she…”
I sighed, and ran a hand down my face, feeling the same frustration I’d felt earlier.
“I was jealous when I saw Alessandra walking around with a baby,” I admitted. “I thought she’d moved on quickly and had a kid with someone else. I had no idea what I was going to do it that happened, but she told me that wasn’t the case.”
It had been such a relief, and it had been hard not to let it show. I’d thrown out the assumption that she became a nanny because it was the first thing that came to mind that wouldn’t make me feel like I was about to have a heart attack.
She hadn't moved on.
That meant I still had a chance, but I couldn’t push to talk to her right then, either.
Alessandra and I hadn't been talking in the time leading to the breakup. Not because we didn’t want to, the situation we were in at the time was just terrible. There just wasn’t enough time for us to focus on our relationship.
When my dad fell ill, I knew I had to take over the company, and everything else was pushed to the back seat. I didn’t want that to happen with Alessandra and me, but she was finalizing her exams and spending more time with her colleagues at school, and studying, and spending less time with me. I didn’t want to bother her, and I was busy anyway, so we would go for long bouts of silence before I realized we weren’t talking.
I had thought things couldn’t get any worse. They did.
My father passed away. In that time, I wanted to talk to Alessandra. But she was busy, and I had my mother and Rachel. I wanted her exams to go well, so I gave up on bothering Alessandra.
Then, a month later, out of nowhere, Alessandra broke up with me and walked away. I kept trying to talk to her, but I had so much to do, and I got busy again.
By the time I wanted to find her so we could have a proper talk, she seemed to have disappeared. Aside from the news of what happened at school, no one had talked to her or knew how to contact her.
I had thought I’d lost her forever. Now that I’d found her again, I was going to make sure we had that long-awaited talk.
Wendy speaking up brought me out of my thoughts.
“Did you guys talk? What the hell happened to her over the past year and a half…”
I held a hand up, and her voice trailed off.
“I can't answer all those questions at the same time, you know? Anyway, she’s acting as a nanny, so Danny is someone else’s. We didn’t talk much, and honestly, she didn’t look like she wanted to talk to me much. But I did manage to get her number by saying you might need a nanny,” I added with a grin.
It was Wendy’s time to roll her eyes. “Why would you go and do that? That’s silly, Joshua. Just tell Alessandra how you feel. You always wanted to speak to her after she disappeared, but you get the chance, and you blow it like that?”
