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Then as Olivia opened the door and I saw the fucking sign, I sighed so fucking loud that it was clear that I didn’t want to be here. Not one fucking bit.
A blonde lady with too much make-up greeted us, telling us about the event. “It’s so nice to see some men here.”
“What did you say? Aren’t there any?”
She smiled, but her question was directed at Olivia. “Is this his first time?”
She nodded, “I’m afraid it is.”
“Well, at The Official Fifty Shades Club we try and treat everyone the same regardless of whether they’re men or women. Is that okay with you?”
I nodded, but I had no idea what we were doing here.
As she opened the door, I laughed as I did a quick scan of the room. I felt as if I was in a hall of mirrors, because all I could see was sex, sex and more sex. There were a few men. More ladies. There was a section for sex toys. Another which seemed to be a discussion about the book, another about the movies, and then there were things for sale such as clothes. Shit, I knew that I loved sex, but this was like a sex fest. I hadn’t known what to expect, but then it was kind of silly to think that it would be anything, but sex, sex and more sex.
One thing was for sure: This might have been my first day, but I was going to fucking make sure that it was my last.
I grabbed Craig’s arm and said, “I’m going to fucking kill you once we get out of here.”
He laughed. “I bet like me, you say that you hate it. But by the end of the night you’ll be signing up for next week.”
I fucking doubted!
I fucking doubted it very much!
Epilogue
Olivia
I have around one week to go until our baby is due. I can’t believe how much things have changed in such a short space of time. Well, not exactly a short space of time, but in the space of a year. Ross has managed to get the best mature secretary that he could imagine and he saves all his pleasure for me once he comes home.
Either that or his Fifty Shades buddies.
Letting him join was the worst thing that I could ever have done. The man’s obsessed; he’s either at lunch with them, playing tennis, watching the movie—how many fucking times can you watch the movie?—or discuss the book with them. It’s like they’re obsessed with the damn thing.
Even Amelia and I have stopped going to the events, hoping that Craig and Ross would follow suit. It just made them want to go even more. Ross was even talking about setting up a Fifty Shades roadshow, for him and the guys.
I don’t even want to know what it entails?
“Ross!” I call out as I’ve been to the bathroom three times and every time I think that I want to pee—nothing.
I think back to our antenatal class. What did they say again?
“Dear, he’s on the phone to one of his buddies,” Aunt Veronica says as Mom’s holding the popcorn and she’s holding the bottles of beer.
Great, they’re getting ready to see the rerun of The Walking Dead. Aunt Veronica says that she can only watch it tipsy. It stops her from having nightmares, even if it’s three in the afternoon.
“I’ve been to the bathroom three times. I think that something’s happening.”
Mom points at me, “Looks like it’s already happened!”
“Does this mean?”
Aunt Veronica nods, “Yes, we’ll have to watch the rerun later. We need to get to the hospital now.”
“Oh my God, Ross!”
He’s by my side. “Babes, did you pour water on yourself?”
