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They had to stop, Meena thought as she reached for Guy’s shirt to pull him in tighter. She’d thought that this could be a simple test, to see whether her fantasies were based on reality or entirely constructed in her mind. But as soon as he had touched her, pushing her hair behind her ear and cupping her jaw, she’d known that this was so much more than that. This was her giving in to every temptation of the past week. Every time she had fantasised about this man had led them to this moment.
But they had to stop. She hesitated, and it was enough to break the spell. Guy lifted his head and looked at her, his expression as shocked as she felt by what had just happened.
‘I...’ he started, and she was touched to see that he was as affected by the kiss as she was.
‘It’s fine,’ she interrupted, speaking quickly. ‘I’m sure it was just nostalgia getting the better of us,’ she added, trying to explain away what had just happened between them, though she was still feeling drunk from it. The last thing that she needed was Guy thinking that she thought that a relationship between them would be a good idea. How could it be, when she didn’t even know who she was? When being around Guy made her act in a way that meant she didn’t even recognise herself?
Guy stared at her for a beat longer than was comfortable, as if he didn’t believe what she was saying.
‘Nostalgia,’ he repeated.
‘Or curiosity. Maybe both,’ she added quickly, aware that she was rambling. ‘We should just forget about it,’ she added, hoping that they could finish this conversation before she died of embarrassment.
That kiss had been hot. Seriously hot. But also seriously confusing. Because her and Guy were in the past. Were meant to be in the past. He had made that completely clear from the minute she had forced him to confess that they even had a history. He had made it abundantly clear that he had no interest in rekindling what they had once had. Well, until he had kissed her.
She had seen his expression when they had talked about how she had never come to him in Australia. It didn’t matter that she had been in a coma at the time. He had been hurt, and it was perfectly evident from the expression on his face that he hadn’t forgiven her. Couldn’t forget. Probably never would, if he hadn’t by now.
And she didn’t want to be with him either. Couldn’t be with him. She was still trying to find out who she was. Who she had been. She had thought that being around Guy would help with that. That he could fill in those parts of her past that she couldn’t remember herself. But she had been wrong. Because, when she was around him, she barely recognised herself. In the past fifteen minutes, she had done things that she had never done before—or probably had, but she didn’t remember. And that was the point. The way she reacted to Guy was so unlike her that she couldn’t deal with it. She didn’t need that reminder that there were vast parts of herself that she just didn’t understand.
‘So,’ Guy said, edging away from her subtly, just enough that her breathing could slow to a normal rate, and pulling his arm back from around her waist, crossing it over his body. ‘These turtles...’
They sat on the beach for hours, the silence between them becoming more and more strained as the time passed. By the time the sun began to rise and she realised that the hatchlings weren’t going to appear, the atmosphere was so charged that she was surprised neither of them had spontaneously combusted.
It would be better tomorrow, she told herself. The sunlight would wash away the memories of that kiss, they would climb into her little boat and they would leave what had happened on the island safely on the island.
CHAPTER EIGHT
HOW COULD HE have been so stupid? Guy thought to himself as Meena navigated them around the coral reefs and away from Le Bijou. Since the first moment he had laid eyes on her again he’d known one thing above all else—he could not get involved with her. He would not be in a relationship again. Not with her, not with anyone. He had already proved that a relationship with him brought nothing but pain and danger, and he wasn’t going to put anyone else at risk.
In the time that they had been apart, he had turned into someone who no longer deserved Meena. He had to protect her more than anyone because their shared past and her amnesia made her vulnerable. It had been unforgivable of him to forget that last night. He should never have let himself kiss her, however tempted he had been. It only went to prove his point. He knew that getting involved with her would only ever lead to her getting hurt, and yet he’d done it anyway. He’d kissed her, knowing that he could never be with her. If she hadn’t stopped him, God only knew how far it would have gone before he’d come to his senses. If he’d been able to. He’d never been one for self-control around Meena before.
And now she wouldn’t even meet his eye. She was the one who had written the whole thing off as curiosity or nostalgia, but she didn’t entirely mean it. That much was clear from the way that she was avoiding his gaze. The way that she had jumped a mile when his hand had brushed hers when he’d helped her pack away the tent. In the strained silence between them now, as he looked out over the water, or up at the clear blue sky, or anywhere but into her curious brown eyes.
Well, this was the final part of the environmental survey, so as long as she approved the permits he could be off the island and back in Sydney in just a matter of days.
He was blindsided by the wrench that he felt as he had that thought. A pain that reminded him of the heartbreak he had felt those years ago when he had said goodbye to Meena before. Back then, he had at least been able to tell himself that he would see her soon, when she flew out to Australia to continue her research. But she’d never come, and his heart had cracked and then broken for good. And, when he’d turned to drink and partying to numb the pain, someone had died.
Now he was back here, feeling more of that pain, and wondering whether it was possible for him to be any more broken.
* * *
Meena looked over her reports, desperately trying to keep her head in the present and stop her thoughts drifting back to last night on the beach. She was a professional. She had a responsibility to her position to give this environmental survey the consideration that it deserved. She couldn’t let her personal feelings for the applicant, or her memories of the area in question, colour her judgement.
Despite all her hopes, no turtles had hatched last night. She’d been keeping an eye on the spot every day since she’d seen the tracks which looked like they were leading to a nest. Legally she had to wait a week to excavate the nest and find out what had happened. Maybe she’d missed the hatchlings somehow? But she knew that she hadn’t. The nest hadn’t produced any live young.
It had been the last certain thing that she could think of to delay this development. If there were turtles nesting on the beach, producing live hatchlings, she could have used that to put a stop to it, or at least stall for more time. Without it, what did they have? The bleaching to the coral might be enough, perhaps. But, perversely, her successes with reviving reefs elsewhere made that argument weaker. And she wasn’t sure that her bosses would consider that enough of a reason to reject the applications.
She would try, though.
She drummed her pencil on the draft of the report as she thought it over, but her mind wouldn’t leave alone the memories of last night. When she closed her eyes, she could see Guy’s face, bent towards her, the second before his lips met hers. She could smell the salt of the sea and the unique scent of Guy as their bodies had pressed together. She could feel the soft, cool cotton of the blanket beneath her bare legs, and hear the gasp of their breath as they’d broken off the kiss.
Memories. All real. And the sensations were so close to those that she had dreamed that she could no longer write them off as mere fantasy.
They shouldn’t have done it. It was clear to her that Guy did not want a relationship. And she couldn’t see how she could let someone into her life when she was still so unsure of who
she was. When she had so many unanswered questions about her past. There was no chance of her being able to commit to another person—or of wanting to—when she did not even know herself.
No, last night was a mistake, and they would be foolish to repeat it. But they had both known that it was foolish last night and that hadn’t stopped them.
