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* * *
He was so sure, Meena thought, watching Guy. So sure that he knew what was best for her. So sure that his history was going to repeat itself and that there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Well, he didn’t know the future. And it was time to prove that to him.
‘I never got the chance to tell you, Guy, that I’m leaving St Antoine.’
The pure shock on his face gave her a tiny buzz of pleasure. He was so sure that he could predict what was going to happen between them that it pleased her that she could wrong-foot him like that. She wasn’t even sure why it was that important to her. But she absolutely knew that she didn’t want him writing off her options.
‘You’re leaving? Why?’
‘I decided it was time to get back to my research. I had a position at my old university that I couldn’t take up after my accident. There are still opportunities for me there.’
‘You’re moving back to Australia?’
‘That’s the plan. And it’s one of the reasons why I couldn’t accept your job offer.’
‘I thought that was because you didn’t approve of my plans,’ Guy said.
‘I didn’t. I don’t. But that wasn’t the only factor. Meeting you again has shown me how much I’ve put my life on hold. I’ve been obsessed with getting my memories back. Trying to work out who I was that summer. And I’m starting to understand that it’s really not that important. Or, at least, it’s not the most important thing. What’s important is who I am now. What I want to do next.’
‘But you don’t have to leave to do that. If this is because of me, because of what I’m doing at Le Bijou, I’ll drop it, Meena. I’ll find a way to stop it.’
She stared at him, open-mouthed. ‘You’d do that? To stop me moving to Australia? You’ve said all along that there’s nothing you can do to stop the development. But now I’m talking about moving to the same country as you and suddenly you can find a way? Were you lying before or are you lying now?’
‘What? No, it’s not because we’d be in the same country. And I haven’t lied. But I don’t want to be responsible for you having to leave. I know how much you love St Antoine and Le Bijou. I can’t have that on my conscience too.’
‘You knew before how much I loved it. You weren’t too concerned about your conscience then.’
‘I did know it, but... I don’t know. The thought of you having to leave here because of what I’ve done... I’ve hurt so many people already, Meena. I’m not sure I can handle that too.’
She was still staring, and he started to shift uncomfortably. Of all the reactions he could have predicted, anger hadn’t been high on the list.
‘How many times do I have to say it, Guy?’ she went on. ‘I’m choosing this. Me. This isn’t something that you’re doing to me. It isn’t about you at all. This is something that I want, for myself. Can’t you credit me with that? Not everything that I do has to be about you. And, if you’re worried I’m going to be too close just because we happen to be sharing the same continent, don’t worry. I’m still going to be two thousand kilometres away. I don’t think you have to worry about bumping into me at the supermarket.’
‘That’s not what I was worried about,’ he said, shaking his head.
‘Good. That’s settled, then,’ Meena said, crossing her arms and willing him off her boat.
‘I don’t feel like anything’s settled,’ Guy countered, making no move to jump back on the jetty. ‘I feel like things are getting more confusing by the minute, Meena. I just told you that I’d cancel my development. I thought that was what you wanted.’
‘I heard you. And you know already that it’s what I want. But honestly, I don’t know what to think any more. You weren’t prepared to change your plans even when we made love. What’s changed now?’
* * *
What had changed? He wasn’t even sure he understood it himself, never mind being capable of explaining it to someone else. But something had changed. And it wasn’t just that he’d told her that he could cancel his plans for Le Bijou, though that was part of it. It was why he’d done it. He’d been so horrified at the thought that he’d be driving her from her home, when she’d already lost so much, that he’d have done anything to right that wrong.
It was the realisation that he was still in love with her. He had to be, because nothing short of that would have made him change his plans. He’d spent years telling himself that he couldn’t be in a relationship. That he was too damaged from what had happened with Meena. But what if he wasn’t damaged? What if Charlotte hadn’t died because he wasn’t a good enough boyfriend? What if it had been nothing more than a tragic accident? Could he really let go of the guilt he had been carrying around for so long?
That would mean that he wasn’t broken. That it wasn’t impossible for him to have another relationship. That maybe he and Meena could try again, and see if they could make it work this time.
Yes, they would still be two thousand kilometres apart if she went back to her old university. But that kind of distance wasn’t insurmountable. Not when you were your own boss and had money to throw at the situation. They could make the distance work.
If they wanted to.
And there was the crux of the matter. Would Meena want to? They’d talked round and round and round the issue without either of them facing it head-on. And if he wanted that to change—wanted his future to change—he knew that he was going to have to step up and make it happen.
‘I’m killing the development on Le Bijou,’ he said, and breathed a sigh of relief after the words were finally out. ‘Whatever happens, Meena, I want you to know that. I started the project for all the wrong reasons, and I want to stop it now for all the right ones. I don’t want anything to happen to that place. I wanted to destroy it, and all the memories it held for me. And I don’t want that any more.’
