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Fraser caught at her hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘Thanks.’
Sh
e snatched her fingers back, surprised at the heat she had felt zipping from his hand to hers. The last thing she needed was to be reminded of that.
Fraser looked at her, his eyes narrowed as he took in her reaction. ‘I was just saying thanks,’ he said, raising his hands in a show of innocence. ‘It didn’t mean anything.’
‘I know that. But it’s just... I don’t want things to get confusing.’
Fraser narrowed his eyes. ‘Confusing how?’
She took a step back, needing to put some space between them. ‘Confusing like thinking that it would be a good idea for something to happen between us.’
‘All I did was hold your hand.’ He shook his head.
‘I know that. But it reminded me...’
It had reminded her of every skin-on-skin second they had shared before, and it had made her body crave more. And that couldn’t happen. She couldn’t allow herself to think like that. To want that. It was too dangerous. She fought to keep her body neutral. To quieten her pulse, to fight the rush of blood to her face. She was an adult, and she was in control of her body. Her decisions. Her desires.
‘It doesn’t matter what it reminded me of,’ she told Fraser eventually, her voice admirably calm. ‘I just want to be clear about what’s on offer here and what’s...not.’
‘I think you’re making that very clear,’ Fraser said.
She searched his face and his voice for any hint of annoyance but couldn’t find one. He seemed irritatingly nonchalant about the whole thing, if she was honest. Was she pleased about that? Was this easy for him? Did he not think about it at all?
She needed to make sure that he completely understood, though. Given how they had met, and all the changes in their lives since then, she had to make sure that they were on the same page when it came to their relationship. Had to make sure that he understood that they could only ever be friends. Anything else was too complicated.
‘I think we need to acknowledge that there is chemistry between us. I mean, that’s what got us here, isn’t it? But we can’t act on it any more. We can’t be tempted. We need to be good parents to this baby. We need to be thinking straight. Making sensible decisions. We can’t be getting distracted by whatever feelings we had for each other that night.’
He quirked the corner of his lip in an annoying hint of a smile, as if he was finding this whole conversation amusing rather than embarrassing. ‘And what feelings did you have for me that night?’
Oh, she could have listed them: lust, desire, need, abandon, want. But someone had to be the responsible one here, so instead, she shook her head.
‘We’re not talking about that night. We’re talking about now. And right now the only feelings I have for you are friendly. We are going to be friends. We are going to raise this child together. And we are never going to talk about that night again.’
‘Never talk about it again? Might that not get awkward?’
He shrugged and she decided that, yes, his nonchalance was definitely annoying. ‘Why would it be awkward?’
‘People are going to have questions,’ Fraser replied. ‘Our friends. Our families. They’re going to want to know what’s happening with us.’
‘Oh, and you usually spill all about your sex life to your friends and your family, do you?’
‘No, but there’s a baby on the way...’
She nodded emphatically and started walking again. ‘Exactly. That tells them all they need to know about what has happened in the past. When they want to know what’s happening with us now, we tell them the truth. That we’re friends.’
Fraser fell silent, obviously thinking that through. ‘You know, we never considered the alternative.’
For the first time she heard a shake in his voice, heard doubt in his tone.
‘We’ve never talked about doing the right thing. Marrying. Making a proper family for this baby.’
Elspeth wasn’t sure whether she was meant to laugh or not. That was the most unromantic proposal of marriage she had ever heard, and from the look on Fraser’s face he’d dragged it out like needles through his skin. She was tempted to accept, just to see the look of horror on his face, but even she wasn’t that cruel.
‘Is that what you really want for our family, Fraser? The two of us pretending to be something we’re not because we think it’s the right thing for the baby?’
He looked relieved that she hadn’t said yes, but aware that she hadn’t said no either. She had no intention of doing so—she was more interested in exploring the reasons he’d asked in the first place.
