AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The ruins of an old castle sat atop a steep grassy bank in front of a small loch, most of the stones fallen, but a few arches and windows intact. With a nearly full moon reflecting off the water, creating dramatic shadows, Elspeth could only imagine the grandeur of the building in its heyday. And between the car and the ruins sat Castle Ballanross in its second incarnation, with its grey stone, round towers and steeple-like turrets. A burn skirted the farthest corner of the castle, and she wound her window down to hear the gentle burble of water over cobbles.
She tried to imagine a young Fraser here, running around the grounds. It was difficult to see this place as a home. Hard to see it as anything other than a tourist attraction or a relic from the past. She glanced over at Fraser to see how he was taking being back. But his face only showed the same tension that had been present since they’d passed the Cairngorms.
Fraser stopped the car and a door in the tower closest to them opened inwards, silhouetting a figure in the light that spilt from inside. Fraser didn’t make any move to open the door, and that was enough for her to know that the man who had opened the door must be his father. She didn’t know anything, know anyone else who could stop Fraser in his tracks like that.
Just as she was wondering whether she would have to say something, Fraser heaved out a sigh and reached for the handle. He paused for a second and looked over at her.
‘Look, if this gets ugly, I’m sorry.’
Elspeth took hold of the hand that was still on the steering wheel.
‘Don’t forget: we’re a team. I’ve got your back.’
Fraser laughed, breaking the tension in the car. ‘You make it sound like a duel, or something. I promise it won’t come to that.’
Elspeth smiled. ‘Good to hear. Now, get your backside out of the car. I’m freezing.’
He laughed again, and Elspeth relaxed just a fraction. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, after all.
CHAPTER EIGHT
FRASER WALKED TOWARDS the door, his eyes fixed on his father. It had been a decade and a half since he had last seen him, but he could still recognise him just by his silhouette. He felt a spark of annoyance towards himself at that. How much of this man was still a part of him, even after Fraser had tried to pretend for fifteen years that he didn’t exist?
Fraser shook his head as he walked closer. How were they meant to do this? He wasn’t sure that it was possible to rebuild a relationship that had long-ago burnt out and gone cold. Would his father even want to? He’d had every opportunity over the past fifteen years to get in touch. To try and restart their relationship. And he hadn’t tried—not even once.
He thought about the baby Elspeth was carrying, the little flutter of life that he had felt in the car on the way here. That was why he was doing this. Because that child had a place here, on this land, the place where Fraser had always felt anchored. Whole.
Whole.
He couldn’t remember when it had started to feel normal to have such a huge part of himself missing. But as he looked around, took in the buildings and landscapes and sounds and smells of his childhood, he realised that he had been living with an enormous part of himself absent for longer than he could remember. And as he looked over to the door and saw his father standing there he was reminded of the reason.
This was his father’s fault.
Yes, Fraser was the one who had walked away and refused to look back. But he never would have done that if his father hadn’t torn his family apart. Hadn’t humiliated his mother by abandoning her for another woman. If he hadn’t been blinded by lust and infatuation and mistaken that for love. The sort of love that he and his mother had offered unquestioningly until his father had thrown it back in their faces.
He reached his dad and stuck out a hand in a gesture of greeting. He was the one who had arranged this reunion, and it was going to be on his terms. He would make sure his father understood that.
‘Fraser,’ his father said, with a waver in his voice.
‘Father.’
Fraser noticed that his own voice was deeper than his father’s, and that he’d managed to keep it unquestionably solid. He wouldn’t give even a hint that he felt anything other than entirely unmoved about this reunion.
This was about the baby. Making sure that his child would have the place in the world it would be born to. That his child wouldn’t feel the emptiness Fraser had struggled to fill since he was a teenager. His child belonged here—in this castle, on this land. That was why he was back. The fact that it meant a rapprochement with his dad wasn’t relevant to this meeting.
‘And will you introduce me to your friend?’ his dad asked, his eyeline passing over Fraser’s shoulder to where Elspeth was climbing down from the car, her bump hidden in the shadows and folds of her coat.
He hadn’t mentioned the baby to his father. In the end he hadn’t known how to. He had just told him on the phone that he wanted to come up to the castle and talk.
Would he have guessed? If he had, he would probably be expecting that they were at least in a relationship, if not preparing to get married.
A knot in his stomach reminded him that he had known all along that it wasn’t fair to drop Elspeth into this. That he should have explained the situation to his dad before bringing her up here. She was being dropped into the middle of a family drama, and the fact that he hadn’t told his dad about the nature of their relationship was only going to make things worse.
He took a deep breath. It was too late to have regrets now. Elspeth was here with him and he couldn’t make himself want to change anything about that. He’d take anything to distract himself from the enormity of being back here. Of going back on his promise to himself that he would never see his father again.
‘Father, this is Elspeth,’ Fraser said, placing an arm around her waist as she drew near to him.
He knew that it wasn’t going to help with the mixed signals, but he wanted her near. Wanted the child within her body near, to remind him why he was doing this. To remind him of his responsibilities to the next generation of his family, the reason why he was here.
