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Anya nodded. ‘He said that was fantastic too.’
‘Yes, he did.’ Raina kissed her daughter, and produced a storybook from behind her back. ‘Would you like Alistair to read you a story before you go to bed?’
‘Yes!’
When Alistair sat down on the sofa, Anya curled up in his lap, clearly wanting a little comfort despite her bravado. He opened the book, starting to read, and Raina sat down next to him, leaning against his shoulder. When he put his arm around her shoulders, it felt as if this was all he’d ever wanted but didn’t deserve.
* * *
Alistair had carried Anya up to bed, and Raina had kissed her goodnight. When they reached the bottom of the stairs together, she suddenly seemed very weary.
‘Why don’t you go and sit down? I’ll go and see what’s cooking...’ The smell coming from the kitchen had told Alistair that Raina had already put their dinner in the oven.
She smiled at him. ‘Would you? Today’s taken it out of me a bit.’
It would have been a difficult day for anyone. But seeing Anya at the hospital must have reawakened all the memories of Andrew and Theresa’s accident. The grief, coupled with the need to look after their child, must have been overwhelming for her.
They ate, and Alistair insisted that Raina take a glass of wine into the sitting room while he cleared away the things. When he came to join her, she was asleep on the sofa. He sat for a while, listening to the silence, broken only by Raina’s regular breathing.
He watched her sleep for a while and finally he woke her, ready to bid her goodnight and go, even though this was the only place he wanted to be tonight. But Raina sleepily asked that he stay, and he couldn’t refuse her anything.
There was a first time for everything, and sleeping with his hearing aid still in his ear wasn’t as uncomfortable as he’d expected, as long as he lay on his right side. The sheets and pillows seemed to crackle whenever he moved, but at least he’d hear Anya if she woke. Alistair curled his body protectively around Raina’s and she snuggled against him. As she drifted off to sleep, she murmured words that rent his heart.
‘Thank you for being here, Alistair.’
‘Where else am I going to be? Go to sleep now.’
He lay awake for a long time, staring into the darkness. This had to end. Not tonight, when Raina needed someone there to hold her, but soon. Despite all of her optimism, all her drive to make a better future for herself and Anya, Raina was still
vulnerable. Still alone with a child, and still grieving the loss of her brother and his wife. She needed to go out and find someone who’d be her rock.
And Alistair knew her. Raina would always see her relationship with him, however uncommitted, as a reason not to look elsewhere. She would be faithful to him, even though he didn’t have the right to expect it. Today hadn’t been just an unfortunate oversight, he’d switched his phone off without a thought that Raina might need him. His work mattered and he would probably do the same again.
It hurt more than he could have imagined, but he had one more night. One night when he could watch over the two people who meant more to him than anyone. He wouldn’t waste a moment of it in sleep.
* * *
Alistair had seemed tired the following morning. But he’d insisted on staying for breakfast, removing the dressing on Anya’s forehead and examining the stitches carefully. It was only after he’d made sure that she was all right that he’d left, saying that he had some work to catch up on. Raina had thought about protesting that it was Saturday morning, and that she was sure that whatever it was could wait, but didn’t. Their relationship was so new, and failure had made them both cautious. If, by some chance, they could find a way to succeed this time, it would be a result of taking things slow and steady.
They were both busy. Raina was putting the finishing touches to her talk and meeting with Gabriel to discuss the parent support programme. Alistair was working with the Dream Team on future improvements to the prosthetics, and the rest of his time was spent out of the office, visiting families who had applied to be part of the scheme. She didn’t expect to be able to spend any time with Alistair until the weekend, and the thought that she might see him then was like a golden glow on the horizon, pulling her forward.
* * *
Alistair’s text came unexpectedly on Wednesday evening, asking if he could drop round. Raina texted back a yes and put a bottle of wine in the fridge to cool. Alistair always made it sound as if his visits were going to be short, but they never turned out that way. But when she opened the door to him, his brow was creased.
‘What’s the matter?’ She ushered him through to the kitchen. A cup of tea seemed like a better bet than wine. Clearly he had something he wanted to talk about.
As she made the tea and placed the cups on the table, he looked at her. ‘I think—we should stop, Raina.’
Stop? Stop what exactly? It wasn’t like Alistair to come straight out with something, he always thought about it first, and he’d obviously done his thinking without her.
‘What...do you mean?’ She sank down into a chair at the kitchen table, wrapping her hands around her teacup.
‘I think that we should end our relationship. That doesn’t make any difference to the work we’ve been doing at the charity. Gabriel will make sure that all of Anya’s needs are met going forward, and I’ll ask him to take over my work with you on the parent support programme...’ He sat down slowly. ‘But you and I can’t be together any more.’
It made all the difference. To everything. Raina had dared to think that, in time, Alistair might be a husband again. A father this time.
Steady. Steady... She had to think about what he was saying, not just blurt out the first thing that came into her head. Raina took a breath, sipping her tea.
