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‘Because if I don’t say this I’d be letting Alice down. And myself.’ Alex reached forward and took his hand. Felt his fingers curl around hers in a delicious artifice of an embrace.
‘Say it then.’ His gaze was dark, suddenly. Entirely hers.
‘I want you to know that this gift is not because you have some kind of debt to pay; it’s because you’re a good man and you have a good heart.’
‘You don’t understand, Alex.’ Something about the way he said it told her that he might just be coaxed into explaining.
‘Then tell me.’
He leaned forward, raising her hand to his lips in the parody of a kiss. For a moment Alex thought this was his way of letting her go, but he kept hold of her, clasping her fingers tightly between both his hands now.
‘This is between you and me. No one else must know.’
‘Yes. I understand.’ What could be this bad? Alex swallowed hard, trying to prepare herself.
‘My parents think that Joel overdosed by mistake. It’s a possibility that gives them some comfort and I can’t take that away from them. But it was no mistake. He called me.’
‘But...you didn’t speak to him, right? You don’t know what he was going to say.’
Leo shook his head wearily. ‘He called me five times, Alex, and I missed all of those calls. If that isn’t a cry for help I don’t know what is.’
She stared at him, numb with shock. Alex couldn’t imagine how that must feel. How he must constantly be going back to that, wondering whether he could have saved his own twin brother’s life.
‘It was the last weekend before I went home for Christmas, and my girlfriend wanted to go away somewhere. I switched off my phone, and left my brother alone on the one night he really needed me.’
‘But... Leo, people miss calls all the time...’
‘I know. And usually it doesn’t matter all that much but...’ He shrugged. ‘All I want is to give Alice the opportunity to run. I’m not looking to buy forgiveness because there isn’t any.’
There was nothing she could say. It was too cruel, too heartbreaking and there were no answers to it. Alice came to her rescue.
‘What Alice said...’
‘I know. I heard her. If you just try hard enough you can do anything. It’s a great thought and, coming from a kid like her who’s had so much to contend with already, it’s inspirational. But she doesn’t know everything, Alex. You and I know that there are some things you can’t do, and we just have to learn to live with that.’
‘Won’t you think about it?’
He shook his head, letting go of her hand. ‘No, I’m not going to think about it. Because I can’t change anything and if I thought about it too much I’d just be a mess. And there are things I have to do.’
She was losing him. He poured the rest of the contents of the cocktail shaker into her glass and drained his. Then he got to his feet.
‘You’re going?’
‘Like I said. Things to do. Paperwork.’
‘Can’t you do it another time? We could go for something to eat, or catch a movie...’
He smiled. That relentless, charming smile which hid so much. ‘Can I take a rain check? I really do have to work.’
He’d obviously forgotten that he’d asked her out to lunch first. Perhaps it was something that had suddenly come up, but Alex doubted it. Leo was drawing back, resorting to the tried and tested formula of not having time to think about anything.
‘Yes, okay. Rain check.’ She wondered what freak of nature was going to have to occur before the weather changed enough to induce Leo to change his mind.
‘Fantastic. See you tomorrow...’ He threw the words over his shoulder and walked out of the door.
CHAPTER TEN
IT WAS AS if nothing had happened between them. Leo was smiling and relaxed when he arrived at the radio station, taking the receipt for the cheque that she handed him with a nod but without saying anything.
