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She took one controlled breath, as if she was trying to steady herself. ‘The job you had, before Hartsholme. It fell through?’
‘No. I was covering for someone on maternity leave. It lasted longer than I thought.’
‘And your parents? They suddenly decided to up sticks and move?’
He could see the way this was going, but he couldn’t stop it now. ‘No. They’d planned to go when my father retired. The cancer delayed it a bit, but...’
She turned her back on him, planting her hands on the counter top, her head bowed. Something that sounded like a sob escaped her lips. ‘Rafe... How could you...?’
This was a far cry to the indifference she’d shown when he’d left. Then, she’d accepted his reasons without question, but now she knew that they were excuses, given because he didn’t know how to tell her the truth. The thought that maybe this was truly how she felt made him shiver with guilt.
When she faced him again her face was twisted into a mask of anger. Somehow that was worse than the tears he’d expected, because he knew now that her fury disguised an awful, unknown hurt.
‘Get out.’
There was only one thing he could do. Only one thing to say.
‘No.’
* * *
Mimi stared at him. Now was a fine time to suddenly decide he wanted to stay around. ‘I said...’
‘Yeah. I heard. Not until you listen to what I have to say.’ His jaw was set in an immovable line.
‘I don’t want to hear it, Rafe.’ She felt breathless, almost giddy with rage. ‘I was never good enough for you, but you know what? I’m over it. This is my house, and my life. If you want to pick holes in it, then you can go and do it on your own time.’
‘What...?’ Shock registered on his face. ‘What on earth do you mean, not good enough?’
‘Don’t pretend you don’t know.’ She’d vowed she wasn’t going to do this, but it was all too much. The feelings were flooding out with as much force as the water that had separated her from Jack. ‘I’m not a doctor, or a lawyer like your sister. My mum and dad didn’t live in a big house, and I didn’t go to private school.’
‘You think I care...’
‘Well, clearly you do. You didn’t even let me try to help when your mother became ill; you just got in the car and went over there on your own.’
‘But you had enough on your plate. Charlie...’
‘Don’t make my brother into an excuse, Rafe. You just shut me out. After all you did to help me cope when Charlie was injured...’ She felt tears well in her eyes. ‘How do you think it made me feel when you turned your back on me when I tried to help you?’
He didn’t answer. Probably didn’t have an answer, because he wouldn’t have thought of that. In the silence she felt her heart begin to slow, and the burden of things left unsaid shifted slightly. Maybe she should have told him this before.
‘It wasn’t like that.’ He was looking at her steadily but his hands were trembling. The thought that she’d finally goaded him into some kind of reaction was a bitter triumph because it was all too late now.
‘Don’t...’ Suddenly her legs felt as if they were going to turn to jelly, and she leaned back against the counter top. ‘You can rewrite history all you like, Rafe. Don’t ask me to countersign the last page.’
‘Fine. Now you listen to me.’ He was on his feet now, pacing restlessly.
‘No...I don’t want to.’ Now that the rush of anger was subsiding, the feeling of loss was tearing at her. Along with a horrible feeling that Rafe could talk her round if he really wanted to, because he’d always been able to.
He came to a halt opposite her. When she looked away, she felt his fingers brush her arm. ‘Look at me.’
She didn’t move.
‘All right then. Just listen. I wanted to accept your help but I just didn’t know how. I was brought up to cope, not talk. Never to talk, because that was a sign of weakness in a man.’
‘All you had to do was ask, Rafe...’ She looked up at him and the pain in his face silenced her.
‘It’s not that simple. My own father, the one who taught me how to behave, was failing my mother when she needed him most. He couldn’t deal with not being able to make everything right for my mother, and he just shut down. I was doing the exact same thing. I was keeping everything bottled up inside, and I was failing you.’
