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Now that I know she’s safe, my muscles loosen as a wave of relief crashes over me. There were too many scenarios playing out in my head, and the longer I went without knowing where she was, the uglier the endings became.
It’s only when Brayden claps me on the back that I’m knocked out of those thoughts. “I really appreciate you looking out for Elle. You’re a good friend.”
Guilt floods every cell in my body. It’s doubtful Brayden would be saying that if he knew how I really felt about her. Or if he’d caught sight of us dancing together. And I’d already be dead—no questions asked—if he found out that I’d yanked her to one of the back bedrooms and kissed her.
I’ve done the worst thing I could do and broken bro code.
I drag a hand across my face and consider the merits of ’fessing up. Brayden has a right to know what happened between us. I should have the balls to be honest with him. The guy is like a brother to me. Always has been. When my parents were too busy getting their business up and off the ground, I spent an endless amount of time at the Kendricks house. There came a point when Katherine, Brayden’s mom, would set a place for me at the dinner table without even asking if I was planning to stay. It was just assumed I would. As if I were a de facto part of the family. Her easy acceptance meant the world to me. My childhood would have been far lonelier without the Kendricks filling it. Who knows if I’d even be playing football in college or have a chance of making it to the pros without Jake Kendricks encouraging me to get involved in the sport? He stood on the sidelines for every game, rooting me on, more times than my own father did.
Taking advantage of his daughter isn’t how you pay back your friend’s dead father for stepping in and guiding you through all of the pitfalls of being a teenager when your own parent couldn’t be bothered to take the time.
Self-loathing bubbles up inside me. Even thinking about it leaves me feeling like an ungrateful asshole. It’s those thoughts that solidify my decision to stay away from Elle. Maybe she doesn’t realize it, but I’m doing what’s best for both of us.
“Carson!”
I blink and stare at the girl I’d been talking to earlier this evening before all hell broke loose.
“Oh, hey…”
“Monica,” she supplies helpfully.
I nod and lie through my teeth. “Yeah, sure...I remember.”
When her grin intensifies in wattage, I realize that was probably the wrong thing to say.
“We were about to head over to my friend’s house for a more,” she pauses as her tongue darts out to moisten her shiny red lips, “intimate gathering.” Her palm drifts to my chest. “Why don’t you come with us? It’ll be fun.”
Fun?
That’s debatable.
Will it get my mind off a certain someone I have no business thinking about?
Also unlikely.
The best thing I could probably do at this point is spend a little time with this girl in an attempt to forget about the one I forced away. If I squint, there’s a slight resemblance. They both have slender figures and long, dark hair. Although, I made it a point to stop screwing girls who look like Elle when I realized that all I was trying to do was fuck her out of my system.
Because guess what?
It never worked. They ended up being nothing more than a poor imitation for the one I really wanted. Instead of feeling loose and satisfied after rolling out of bed and hauling up my jeans, I felt empty and a little dirty.
Who the fuck needs that?
“Thanks for the invite, but I’m good.” The words pop out of my mouth before I can stop them.
The brightness of her smile fades. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m going to stick around here for a bit longer.”
It’s a relief when she shrugs off the disappointment. “Okay. If you change your mind, come find me. I’ll be here for about ten more minutes.”
I nod. “I’ll keep it in mind.”
As luck would have it, a friend waves her over and she takes off.
When I glance at Brayden, he shakes his head. “That was a mistake. You need to get laid, dude. You’re way too tense. And that girl was totally interested.”
Little does he know that I haven’t gotten laid in six long months. I’ve unfortunately become intimately acquainted with my hand. Screwing a random girl at a party won’t alleviate my problems. It’ll only exasperate them.
It’s a shit situation that doesn’t have a solution.
The only hope I have at this point is that once I graduate from Western and get away from Elle, I’ll be able to get my mojo back. I won’t be looking for her around every damn corner. I won’t be seeking her out, trying to keep her close. I can move on with my life and maybe even meet someone else. I just need to get through the next six months before that can happen.
