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Unsure what to say, I stare out the window at the passing scenery. The countryside is dotted with pockets of trees and fields that will lay dormant for the winter months before a rebirth takes place in the spring. Under normal circumstances, the landscape is enough to quiet my mind and give me a sense of peace. Today there is no joy or relief to be found in the setting. The silence blanketing the three of us is thick and full of unresolved tension. I’m not sure how much more of it I can take without choking to death.
“What the hell were you thinking?” There’s a pause before he snaps, “You had no damn business getting tangled up with one of my teammates.”
My gaze jerks from a faded red barn and pasture with horses to the rearview mirror, where it latches onto my brother’s reflection. “And why is that?”
His eyes widen. “Why?” He parrots the question as if he doesn’t understand it. There’s a beat of silence before his voice escalates. “Because Carson is my friend. One of the few I trusted.” A grim chuckle escapes from him. “Although, that’s shot to shit, isn’t it? That motherfucker never should have taken advantage of you.”
I squeeze my eyes tightly shut in an attempt to block out his words. “He didn’t take advantage of me.”
Why can’t he realize that I’m old enough to make my own decisions? He doesn’t need to involve himself in my love life.
“The hell he did. Everyone knows that you’ve been crushing on him since you were a kid.”
I blanch as nausea swirls through my belly before rising up in my throat until I could choke on it.
His brows rise when I remain unresponsive. “What? Did you really think it was some big secret? For fuck’s sake, he knew all about it. I told him in high school that if he valued his life, he’d stay the hell away from you.”
I slump on the backseat as we hurtle down the country road. My head falls back against the plush cushion until I’m able to stare blindly at the ceiling. It’s embarrassing to realize that I’ve been wearing my heart on my sleeve this entire time. There are so many thoughts crashing around inside my brain that it’s almost impossible to keep them straight.
When I’m finally able to find my voice, I lift my head and stare at his reflection in the rearview mirror. Anger still wafts from him in heavy waves.
“Why would you do that?”
His gaze flicks to the mirror and locks on mine. “Do what? What exactly have I done that’s so terrible?”
“You knew how I felt about Carson, and you did your damnedest to get in the way of that.” My voice shakes with the resentment working its way through my body. “He’s a wonderful guy who has never been anything but a good friend, not only to you but to me as well. And for some reason, that wasn’t enough for you? Or me? Who the hell are you to be the judge of what’s in my best interests? Why are you making decisions that involve me without asking what I want?”
His eyes widen as his jaw locks. “Don’t you see that he took advantage of the feelings you’ve always had for him?”
I roll my eyes and throw my hands in the air. “For god’s sake, you need to stop this overprotective bullshit and let me live my own life. Stop trying to keep me locked away in an ivory tower.” My heart is thumping so harshly that it pounds in my ears, drowning out almost everything else. “Do you realize that I’m nineteen years old and up until last night, I was still a virgin. Nineteen years old!”
A rush of color fills his cheeks, turning them beet red. “Elle—”
“No!” I lean forward, pressing against the seatbelt. “You’ve been out carousing, having sex since you were sixteen, and for some reason, no one questioned that. No one tried stopping you from doing what you wanted. No one attempted to control you. We grew up in the same family and our experiences couldn’t have been more different. Why is that?”
He focuses on the ribbon of pavement stretched out beyond the windshield and presses his lips into a barely perceptible line.
“Is it because you were a boy, and I’m a girl? Is that the reason?”
“Of course not,” he grumbles. But his voice doesn’t ring with the same indignation it did at the beginning of this conversation.
“Am I somehow more fragile or not equipped to make the same rational decisions as you are?” When he remains silent, I push onward. “Am I not as smart? Or able to take care of myself?”
“You know none of that is true.”
“Then what’s the reason?” I strain against the fabric belt as my voice elevates in volume. I’m not sure if I’ve ever been this furious in my life. But you know what?
