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Travis shook his head. “That’s not going to happen.”
“I got into plenty of fights growing up. By the time I was eight, I was getting in trouble at school. Ambrose was sneaky. He’d find a way to get revenge on people without using violence. It wasn’t that he minded fighting, it was just that he had other methods. I was always more straightforward. If you fucked me over, I was going to beat the shit out of you.”
Travis smiled. “I don’t mind straightforward. I’ve learned that it’s really good to know where you stand with someone.”
“I’ll never hide shit from you. I’m exactly what you see.”
“I think you’re really so much more than that.”
“By the time Ambrose and I were fifteen, we were already doing work for the family.” I sighed and took a shaky breath. I wasn’t sure he’d think that if I finished my story. “Ambrose was tracking down people and information, and I was tagging along with Remy and his father, my Uncle Bébé, learning how to intimidate our enemies and show them the consequences of being uncooperative. One night, someone pushed me too far. They insulted my mother, and I lost it. My dad and Remy were both shouting my name, trying to get me to stop, but I kept beating the guy. I finally stopped because, like I told the asshole, I wasn’t going to let him die. If I did, I wouldn’t be able to hurt him anymore.”
Travis’s eyes were huge. He looked scared, and he damn well should be.
“After I’d stopped, Remy laid a hand on my shoulder, and I connected with the world around me for the first time since I’d lost it.”
All my uncle had to do was snap his fingers, and a guard stepped forward to deal with the bloody mess of a man who was barely breathing.
My uncle turned to me, and I thought I was in trouble. “We’ll talk more about your gifts later. Remy will take you home now.”
“After he left, Remy asked me if I was all right. I didn’t know how to answer him.”
Travis leaned forward and kissed the top of my head. I knew he was there, I felt his concern, but my mind was stuck in the past.
“Did you hear us calling your name?” Remy had asked.
I had to think for a moment. “Yeah, but it was like you were far away and there was a fog around me. God, what’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing. Do you think that guy didn’t deserve what you did?”
“No, it’s not that. He did, and if Uncle Bébé didn’t approve, he would’ve had the guards pull me off him. It’s that…”
“Could you have stopped?” Remy asked. When I met his gaze, I saw fear in his eyes. That freaked me out more than what I’d done. Nothing frightened my cousin. Remy was good at everything and so fucking controlled. He would never lose his shit like I just had.
“I don’t know.”
“You did, though,” Travis said, bringing me back to the present. “You stopped before you killed him.”
I blew out a long breath. “Yeah, I did. The crazy thing was, my uncle wasn’t horrified or angry, he was pleased because he knew if I could step outside of myself to hurt people, that made me a weapon, a damn fine weapon. From that night on, I was sent out whenever we needed to extract information from someone. By the time I was eighteen, I was torturing men on my own.”
Travis brushed my hair from my face. “Did being used like that make you angry?”
“I don’t think at that point I even knew to be angry. I was proud to be praised by those in my parents’ generation. They valued me, and that meant a hell of a lot in our business, and…” I closed my eyes. No way could I look at Travis and say these words. “I liked it. It was a release. All the anger and tension in me melted away when I used my skills. What does it say about me that I enjoy hurting people?”
“Would you enjoy hurting someone innocent? Have you ever had the urge to do that? Do you want to hurt me?”
I sucked in my breath and scooted back from him, but he reached for my hands and tried to pull me back. “It’s okay. I just want to know.”
“No. I… It’s not like that. I… I never want to hurt you, not unless you… want me to.”
Travis gave me a soft smile. “I trust you. Nothing you’ve told me changes that. And there are things, rougher things I’ve always wanted to try, but no matter how stupid I was to believe Rob’s bullshit, I knew better than to ask Rob or any of the other men I’ve been with to tie me up or…”
