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She blinked before shaking her head, whether in affirmation of what he’d said or confusion he wasn’t sure.
He stared at her, knowing he had to make one thing perfectly clear after what her ex-husband had put her through. ‘I want to make love to you, Willow,’ he said quietly, ‘more than I’ve ever wanted before with anyone else. I eat, sleep, breathe you half the time and the other half I’ m taking cold showers. Nothing works. I feel you’re in my blood and my bones, let alone my head.’
He watched her assimilate what he’d said, her eyes searching his face as though to verify the truth of it.
‘But tonight isn’t the night, is it?’ he continued huskily. ‘It’s too soon. Tomorrow you wouldn’t be able to handle what’d happened and you’d be hard on yourself.’
She hooked a strand of hair behind her ear and gave a nervous half-laugh. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘I think you do.’ He reached out and lightly touched her forehead as he said, ‘What goes on in here is different to what your body is crying out for. The two have to agree.’
She was holding herself very straight now, her features tight as though she dared not let any expression show. ‘You’re very sure of yourself, aren’t you?’ she said, but her voice shook. ‘Very sure you know what’s right and wrong for me.’
‘I have to be.’ He kept his voice even and low. ‘For your sake and mine too. I’ve never taken a woman who wasn’t one hundred per cent sure she wanted it as much as I did, and I don’t intend to start with you.’ Especially with you. ‘I don’t want to hurt you, Willow. Intentionally or unintentionally, I don’t want that.’
She turned her head away as though she couldn’t bear to look at him. ‘I’m not a child, Morgan,’ she said tightly.
‘Believe me, of that I am well aware.’
‘And I wouldn’t allow myself to be hurt by anyone again.’
He was silent until she raised her head and met his eyes again. ‘That one sentence says it all,’ he said softly. ‘If you’d have said you are prepared to take the risk of being hurt again, that life is all about taking chances, that you were at a stage where you understood you didn’t want to be standing on the touchline looking at life but entering in, I’d have felt you were ready. As it is, those barriers are still ten feet high, aren’t they?’
This time the silence stretched longer. ‘Who are you to talk?’ she said after a full ten seconds had ticked by. ‘You told me yourself you got your fingers burnt years ago and from then on decided no long-term commitment but just a series of affairs would do. You said you didn’t want more than that.’
He nodded. ‘Yes, I did. And the pleasure of a beautiful woman’s body in bed and a mind that is stimulating and intelligent has been enough for me.’ Until now. ‘But you aren’t like that, Willow. You told me that. So I come back to where I started and it’s that you have to be sure in your head as well as your body what you want. No one can make that happen but you.’
Even in the darkness he could see her cheeks were warm. ‘So why did you…?’
Her voice trailed away but the question was clear. Morgan thought about prevaricating, even lying. He didn’t want to sound the final death knell on this relationship that wasn’t a relationship, but having come this far…‘I wanted to sleep with you tonight because wanting you the way I do is sweet torture,’ he said evenly. ‘But in the final analysis I knew I couldn’t look myself in the eyes when I shave tomorrow morning if I’d seduced you. You said you’re not a child and you’re absolutely right. You’re a woman, and one who needs to know her own mind when, and if, you take that decision. If I’d continued we both know I would have been taking that away from you. Once it was over you would have regretted sleeping with me tonight. Am I right?’ He stared into the green eyes steadily.
She stared back, an unreadable expression in her gaze. ‘I don’t know if this is a clever ploy to convince me I can trust you,’ she said at last.
Anger bit. His jaw clenched and he forced himself to relax and keep his tone steady. ‘That’s something you’ll have to work out for yourself.’ He stepped backwards and away from the temptation of her. ‘Kitty’s expecting you for Sunday lunch. Do I tell her you’re coming?’ he added flatly.
A pause. She still continued to look at him, unmoving.
His heart thumped like a gong in his chest and he couldn’t seem to regulate his breathing. He had no idea how she’d react.
