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“Yes?”
“I… I can’t. Not tonight.”
“Why not?”
“I have…a date.”
Chapter Eleven
Ashley
As the words leave my mouth, I expect one of two things to happen.
Either he’ll kiss me again in anger, or he’ll turn and leave with no further response.
I’m completely unprepared for what ultimately happens.
After he stares into my eyes for seconds that seem like eternity, he smiles.
He fucking smiles!
And as much as I love his smile—will do almost anything short of murder to experience it—I don’t want to see it now.
Is the smile real?
I’ve seen his smile so seldom that I’m not sure.
The laughter, though—that raucous jubilation that melted like hot burgundy toffee over me only moments earlier—that was real.
This?
I have no idea how to respond, and it occurs to me that may be exactly what he’s going for.
I clear my throat. “So you see, I can’t possibly meet you at your place tonight.”
More waiting.
Now his smile is definitely forced. The tension around his lips and jaw is palpable.
Finally, he speaks. “After, then. Nine o’clock.”
What? He’s not going to demand that I break the date? He’s not going to demand to know who I’m seeing? He’s not going to demand…anything?
I may love Dale Steel to within an inch of my life, but I don’t know him.
I don’t know him at all.
I want to go to his place more than I want my next breath. I’d gladly break the date with Brendan if I thought Dale and I had a future. But I don’t know how Dale feels about me. I know only that—despite his initial criticism of my hair out of a bottle—he’s attracted to me physically and he wants me. That much is more than obvious.
But emotionally? He’s a closed book. He may feel nothing at all for me other than lust.
I like being lusted over. I like sex.
With Dale, though?
I want more.
I want it all.
And I have to face the fact that he may never be able to give me the love I desire.
The love I deserve.
Do I give up a date with a man I like, but don’t love, for a night of passion with a man I do love but who may never love me back?
Do I follow my head or my heart?
I’ve never had to make a decision like this, for although I’ve had my share of dates with men I like, I’ve never been in love before. My head and heart have always been in sync.
Until now.
I inhale. Exhale slowly.
I’ve made my decision.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “The answer is no.”
His tense smile erodes on his face. His green eyes burn with… Is it anger? I can’t tell, except that it’s not anything positive.
I wait.
And I wait.
When I’m convinced he won’t respond, he finally does.
“Change your answer,” he says, his jaw clenched.
God, I want to. I’m ready to sell my soul to the devil himself to have Dale kiss me, touch me, make love to me.
But I have to think with my head, not my heart.
“I’m sorry, Dale. I can’t.”
“You can.”
That voice. That rich Syrah voice. I inhale once more. Exhale. Try to ease the sweet pain in my nipples, the throbbing between my legs.
“I can’t. I’ll see you tomorrow for the tasting.” I turn and leave the tasting room.
I leave the winery and walk to the office building where I parked the car—loaned to me by Talon and Jade—this morning.
Dale didn’t tell me I could leave for the day, but I do anyway. It’s nearly four, and my body is betraying me. I wanted so much to say yes. I wanted so much to cancel my date.
I wanted…
But wanting is no longer enough.
I’ve spent my life taking what I want from men. Being content with sex alone. They were, so why shouldn’t I be?
But now that want has turned to love.
And as much as I yearn for Dale, for his body touching mine, it will no longer suffice.
I sigh.
I’ll give in.
Eventually.
If he keeps trying, that is.
But today, I stand my ground. I show him that I’m not that easy. That though we’re as physically compatible as any two people can be, I need more.
I will no longer settle.
Chapter Twelve
Dale
I want to run after her, tell her I love her. That I’ll do anything to have her.
But I can’t.
Because right now, my rage consumes me, overtakes me, and if I go after her, I’ll take it out on her.
On the woman I love.
The woman I love who’ll be kissing another man tonight.
Darkness surges inside me. I grab a handful of my hair and tug. Hard.
Focus. Have to focus.
Just need to get home, and then I can blow like a fucking volcano. A hurricane. A tornado. Every act of God that destroys…
That’s what I am right now.
I know it deep within my soul.
If only those who tormented me still lived. I’d have an outlet for my wrath.
But they don’t.
