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“Why should I let it go?”
“Because you said if I told you why we couldn’t be together, you’d never bring it up again.”
Gotcha.
But it won’t matter.
“I don’t accept your response. I want to know why you think we can’t be together. Your answer has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. You’ve decided, according to some ridiculous rules inside your head, that I deserve better. I reject that. No one knows better than I do what I deserve.”
“You deserve the best,” I say.
“And I think he’s sitting in front of me.”
I rake my fingers through my mass of hair. “Fuck it all, Ashley. Why can’t you just let this go?” I stand and push the papers on the table aside. A few of them float to the floor.
“Because you’re the best,” she says, her lips trembling a touch.
God, those lips. I would give my fortune for one taste of those lips alone. What is the matter with me? How did I let this happen?
“I’m so far from the best,” I say, advancing toward her. “I’m a mess on the inside. Not a mess. A disaster. A fucking disaster.”
“Let me in,” she says bravely. “Let me in and I’ll help you.”
“You can’t! Why won’t you just listen to me?”
She stands and faces me, her blue eyes burning like a thousand suns. “Because I love you, damn it. I love you!”
My legs weaken, and I grab the edge of the table for support. Those words. Those fucking words. My heart is full yet empty. Full because I love her so much. Empty because I know I can’t return her love the way she deserves.
I want to. I want to more than anything.
I learned long ago, though, that wanting something is never enough.
I slump into a chair.
She sits next to me and takes my hand in her own. “You don’t have to say it back. Maybe you don’t feel it. Maybe you do. It doesn’t even matter in the long run. I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that, but now that my feelings are out in the open, I’m not sorry they are.” She caresses my palm with her thumb. “I’ve got a little over two months left here. I’ll work hard for you. I’ll be the best intern you’ve ever had or ever will have. I promise you. But I also want to spend time with you. For the time I have left. Then I’ll leave, and if it’s what you want, you’ll never hear from me again.”
God, that’s so far from what I want. But the idea has merit. We can be together. Spend time with each other. And it’s all transitory. I can hold back because I know it’s not permanent. Maybe, just maybe, I can let those amazing emotions flow and still hold back the abhorrent ones. After all, it’s not forever. It’s for two months. She’ll be gone by Thanksgiving.
I look into her sparkling blue eyes. They’re full of wonder and hope. She’s so full of life! I want to sink inside her skin, to be her. To feel what she feels, love the way she loves. Because that’s what this wonderful woman deserves.
“Please, Dale.” She trails a finger over my jawline. “I want to know you.”
Know is a scary word. She already knows me in the biblical sense, and that’s not what she means, anyway. She wants to get inside me, figure me out. Love me.
As much as that appeals to me, I can’t let it happen. For her sake as well as for mine. More for hers, because when I consider her well-being, it trumps my own. Big time.
But maybe… Only a little over two months…
Maybe I can let myself be happy. Happy enough that I can hold the other shit back.
Then once she’s gone…
I’ll explode.
But only I will have to deal with that. Ashley will be back in California and won’t bear witness to who I truly am.
I don’t know if I have the strength to pull this off, but I can’t turn down what she’s offering. I don’t have the inner fortitude.
I love her. And I want her.
So I’ll take her.
For two months, I’ll take her. I’ll cherish her.
I just hope I have the strength to let her leave when I’m done.
I stand and pull her up. I cup her cheek and gaze into those amazing eyes. “All right, Ashley. Until your internship is over. But no longer.”
A smile splits her gorgeous face. “It won’t interfere with my work. I swear to you.”
“I know,” I say. “And one more thing.”
She lifts her eyebrows.
“No more Brock. And no more Brendan Murphy. If you want to be with me, you have to be only with me.”
“I didn’t sleep with either of them.”
A wave of relief sweeps over me. Not that I thought she did, but I’m happy to know for sure. “I’m glad.”
