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“I killed, Ruthie.”
Her warm body nestled against him. “Everyone kills during a war.”
Though her voice soothed, her words did not. She didn’t know.
“I killed a friend.”
He braced himself for her repulsion. She’d back away. Run as fast as her long legs could carry her.
But she didn’t. Her warmth still enveloped him, and when he opened his eyes, her own shone with concern.
“Tell me.”
The story tumbled out of him. The battle, the blood, the air thick with the stench of fresh death. How Matthew, his best friend since childhood, had begged Garth to leave him behind. But Garth had dragged him through the mass of injured and dead to the underground cave. Only the darkness of night had cloaked them. Had the sun shone, the Rebels would have seen the opening to the cave.
“The Rebs were right above us. They’d come back to finish off any stragglers. Matthew was dying, in pain. His need to cry out was so thick, so strong, I could feel it. But I held my knife to his throat, and I told him if he screamed, I’d kill him.”
Ruth didn’t budge. Still held him tight. “Go on.”
“He had told me to kill him before. Before I dragged him away. I couldn’t do it. I…” Images of Matthew’s face, pale and pasty, blood soaking his skin, blurred in his mind. “I thought I could save him. But I couldn’t.”
“He was too far gone, Garth. You couldn’t do anything.”
He swallowed. “I told him to keep quiet.” The lump in his throat thickened. “But he didn’t. He screamed, and I slit his throat. His blood poured over my hand, and he gurgled and snorted.” The sounds ripped through Garth’s head. “Then he died.”
“Oh, Garth.”
“Once the Rebs dispersed, I left him there.”
She nodded against his shoulder, her silky hair tickling his flesh. He kissed the top of her head.
“I loved him like a brother. More so, even. We’d done everything together from the time we were five years old. I stood up for him at his wedding. But he wasn’t there to stand up for mine. Wasn’t there to hold his baby girl.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Garth.”
“Not my fault? I killed during the war. Killed men who were husbands, fathers, brothers. I justified it in the name of principle. But my best friend… I sank that blade into his flesh, Ruth. To save my own hide!”
“He would have died anyway. And who says it’s a crime that you wanted to live? That you wanted to get back to your life? I’d want the same thing. Any person would.”
“I’m not sure it was worth it.”
She pulled away slightly and burned angry midnight eyes into him. “Of course it was worth it. You’re alive!”
“I came back half a person.”
“You are not half a person, Garth Mackenzie. You’re strong and passionate. You have a lovely little girl who adores you and needs you.”
“I haven’t done right by her.”
“Well, you will from now on. You’ll respect her, and teach her, and you’ll love her as she deserves.”
“I-I can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“Love her.”
Ruth’s eyes widened. Saucers of deep sea blue. “Of course you can love her.”
