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Sydney gulped. She’d never expected him to question her reasons why. They were the truth, after all. “I was young. Those were my thoughts at the time.”
“Unbelievable.”
“Plus, you hardly knew me. It was a one-night stand. Did you really want me coming to you with news of a baby?”
“I don’t know, Sydney. I’ll never know how I would have felt, because you didn’t let me have the chance to feel anything, did you?”
He was right. What could she say? Except, “I’m sorry, Sam. I’m so sorry.”
“Doesn’t cut it.”
“I know that. But I am sorry. Truly.”
“You know, I could almost understand if you'd had the baby and then put him up for adoption. I’d still be upset, but I could at least understand. You weren’t ready for a baby. You didn’t think I’d want him either. Course you’d have been wrong about that, but I can at least see the reasoning. But that’s not what you did. You had the baby, didn’t tell me, and gave him to your parents to raise.”
“They wanted another child. My mama was only seventeen when Blake was born, twenty when I came along. She was only thirty-nine when Duke was born. She and Dad had tried to have another child for several years, but it didn’t happen. Duke was a godsend for them.”
“Maybe he would have been a godsend to me. Did you think of that?”
“No. I didn’t, and I’m sorry. I thought it was a one-night stand and you wouldn’t want the baby.”
“You were wrong.”
“I realize that now.” Memory washed over her of that incredible night together, the night that had resulted in their beautiful son. How could she make him understand when she wasn’t sure she understood herself?
“You got the best of both worlds, didn’t you? You got the baby without the responsibility. Instead of being the responsible parent, you get to be the doting big sister.”
Guilt rolled through her like hot lava. It was true. She couldn’t deny that she liked being a part of Duke’s life. Giving him away to strangers would have been too hard. But she couldn’t say these words to Sam.
Didn’t matter. He already knew anyway.
They drove the rest of the way in silence, until Sydney noticed they’d passed through town and were into ranching country.
“Where are we going?”
“Aw, fuck,” Sam said. “I was on autopilot. We’re heading to Dusty and Zach’s ranch. Shit, now I have to turn around. We’re almost there, too.”
“No matter. You’re exhausted and so am I. Are you staying at a guest house?”
“Yeah.”
“Is there more than one bedroom?”
“Yeah.”
“Just keep going then. I’ll sleep in the other bedroom.”
“Look, it’s no problem to go back.”
“Sam, please. We’ve both been through the wringer tonight. Let’s just go to bed.”
He relented and kept driving.
* * *
Sydney woke in the darkness. A warm body had snuggled against her back, spoon fashion. She jerked.
“It’s just me, baby,” Sam said. “Go back to sleep.”
