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“No, I don’t. I really don’t. I really want to go to sleep and wake up and find out this was all a bad dream. Talking about it makes it seem too real. I... I almost wish he hadn’t saved me.”
“Emily! Don’t ever say something like that!” Her mom’s voice was angry and frightened.
“I don’t mean it that way. I’m not wishing I were dead, but I don’t feel like facing my life right now.” She turned her tear-streaked face back to her mom and took her hand. “Don’t worry, Mom. I’m too much of a chicken to ever actually kill myself.”
“The important thing is you’re alive. You simply need to make better decisions from here on out. And I won’t let you down again.”
Emily opened her mouth to protest, but her mom interrupted. “No. I should have spoken up and read you the riot act when you told me about your lie. I didn’t say anything, but next time, I’m speaking the truth no matter what.”
“I’m a big girl, Mom. I made that choice all on my own. But yes, I hereby give you permission to tell me the next time I’m about to make a huge mistake, even if it makes me angry.”
Anne pushed a curl off Emily’s face and tucked it behind her ear, just like she used to do when she was a little girl. “How do you feel?”
“Pretty much like I’ve been run over by a dump truck.”
“Okay,” said Steven as he swept into the room, “I hate to break up this party, but Emily needs to sleep, and you...” He kissed Anne on the cheek. “You need to go home to sleep. Connie’s already there waiting for you.”
“Connie?” Emily groaned. “Does she know? I guess she does. She probably hates me. I’m sure Grace does. The whole family probably does. That’s good. I deserve it. You should hate me, too.”
Anne and Steven exchanged a meaningful look. Steven said, “I think hate would be too strong a term. No one hates you. Disappointment would be more accurate. But the main thing everyone felt was fear, and now we feel relief. And we feel those things because we love you.”
Emily shook her head, refusing to let herself off that easy. “Have you both been here all night?”
“Yes, you gave us quite a scare.” Steven leaned over to kiss her forehead.
“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry about everything. I can’t believe I was so stupid. I know not to drink something that’s been sitting on the table when I wasn’t there. I’m that stupid girl I always despise in the movies—the one who does stupid stuff and gets herself in trouble. I hate that girl.”
“Charlie will be here soon,” said Steven in an effort to cheer her up.
“Ughh! Charlie will never let me live this down. I was way more irresponsible than she’s ever been.”
Anne chuckled. “I’m afraid you may be right about that. Once she gets over almost losing you, she’ll probably hold this over your head for the rest of your life.”
Emily moaned. “And I’m missing work. I never miss work. I had something I really needed to finish today.”
“Work will wait. Although I hear your boss is something of a tyrant.” Steven winked at her.
“She’s usually a lot harder on herself than any boss,” Anne remarked.
“Well, do me a favor,” said Steven. “Cut yourself some slack here. You’ve discovered you aren’t perfect and you actually make mistakes. I know from experience that’s a hard lesson. Forgive yourself. Learn from it and move on. And you’ll find yourself much more forgiving when others are less than perfect.”
Emily nodded at Steven. But she knew she could never forgive herself. She would do everything possible to make up for her mistakes, but she would never let herself forget. And she would never quit punishing herself. If she did, she might make another mistake, and it might be worse than this one. Look how many people she’d hurt by her reckless actions. She didn’t deserve to be happy.
“Thanks, Steven. Thanks, Mom. You guys go home and sleep. I’ll be fine. I’m planning to go to sleep, too.”
“Are you hungry?” asked Anne.
“No,” she said emphatically. “I don’t think I’ll ever be hungry again.”
Anne chuckled. “I know the feeling, Sweetie. We’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Charlie will see you,” corrected Steven. “Your mom won’t be back until after five.”
“When will I get to leave here?” asked Emily. “I don’t want to spend the night.”
“I don’t know,” Steven said. “It’s possible you’ll get out today or it might be tomorrow. You’ll do whatever the doctor says. Right?”
“Yes, I won’t cause any more trouble.”
