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“Okay.” She smiled as she dropped off the ledge, skiing through the bumps with minimal upper body movement, her knees bobbing in a perfect rhythm. Josh followed behind and they made rapid progress down to the lift.
On the return lift ride, Josh asked, “You really love skiing, don’t you?”
“I do—It’s the best adrenaline rush. I actually miss being a ski bum.”
“I can see that. Why did you decide to go back to school? Why not just remain a ski bum? You’re still young.”
“Promise you won’t tell?”
“I promise.”
“I missed my family.”
“What? The super-independent Charlie Best gave up her life of freedom as a ski bum because she missed her family?”
“Now you see why I don’t want anyone to know. I’d never hear the end of it.” She hesitated. Could she be honest with him? Somehow she felt he would understand. “Being independent was okay. But being alone wasn’t fun. I mean, I had friends and all, but... but no one to really lean on. And after Emily got married... I felt like I lost my best friend. Not that she wouldn’t be there for me or do anything for me. And Spencer, too—he’s great. But she didn’t need me anymore, and she didn’t share everything with me anymore, and... I don’t know. I just felt alone.”
Charlie felt tears welling up in her eyes, and she blinked them away rapidly, thankful her goggles prevented Josh from seeing her cry. “Pretty lame, huh? I mean, for someone who always thought she was independent. I found out I was wrong.”
Josh was quiet for a moment before he spoke. “Actually, I can relate pretty well. I think I feel the same way. And when I finally found my sister and brother-in-law and had a chance to have a real family, I ignored them. And now it’s too late.”
Her heart clenched at the pain he couldn’t hide. She put her hand on his arm. “Josh, I’m so sorry. But you’re going to have a family now—a real family. You and Olivia and Jace and Chloe. And all the Marshalls will be your family, too. And Mom and Dad, and Emily and Spencer. You’ll have lots of family.” She felt so selfish for complaining about her own situation. She’d always been secure in the love of her mom and sister and grandfather. She’d never been truly alone like Josh. He needed this marriage to Olivia. He deserved to have the security and love of a family.
IT WAS IN THAT MOMENT Josh knew for certain it was Charlie he wanted to make his family with. It was Charlie he wanted by his side raising Jace and Chloe. It was Charlie he wanted to have his children. And he wanted more than anything to hold her, to be the one she could lean on. The impossibility of his situation weighed him down like a heavy mantle. He knew she didn’t feel the same way. She wanted him to marry Olivia. He had to face reality... Charlie could never be his. She hadn’t even mentioned her own name when she cited everyone who would be there for him.
“And you?” he said. “You listed everyone else but you.”
“Yes, of course. I’ll be your family, too. I mean, I love Olivia, so I’ll practically be your sister. And I... I love the kids already. I’ll help all I can.”
His sister. She would love him like a sister. Was that it? Was that really all that was possible? Could she ever feel more for him? He tried to read her expression, but her goggles covered her eyes and she moved her scarf to cover most of her face for protection against the sudden burst of cold wind as the lift emerged from the trees into an open area high above the slopes.
He summoned his courage. Maybe he could ask her how she felt. Or he could admit how he felt about her.
“Charlie...” He struggled to find the right words. “I wanted—” His words dropped when the chair lift jerked to a stop.
“Oh!” Charlie cried, clutching the bar as the chair bounced up and down on the cable. “Oh, man! This is a terrible place to get caught. It’s freezing on this windy part!”
“Hopefully, it will only be a few seconds. Maybe someone fell getting off the lift.”
They sat quietly, waiting for the lift to start. Somehow, Josh knew his moment was gone. He couldn’t say anything about his feelings for her. If she realized he’d asked Olivia to marry him without being in love with her, she’d probably despise him for it. She would feel like he was trying to use Olivia. And why shouldn’t she feel that way? It was true. He felt like an awful heel, himself. But Olivia was
still his only hope for gaining custody of the kids. Charlie wasn’t in love with him—he knew it in his head. He had to stop wishing for something that could never be.
After several minutes of swaying in the freezing winds, he finally noticed Charlie was shivering. “Here,” he offered, putting his arm around her shoulder. “Let me block the wind.” She snuggled against him, and he pulled her against his chest, using his other arm to block the wind from her face.
“Better?” She nodded and moaned something unintelligible. The sun had disappeared and the snow began to fall again, the wind pushing through the folds of their coats and whipping the cold flakes against any exposed skin. Even in the freezing cold and their bulky gear, it felt wonderful to hold her. He knew she was miserable, but he almost wished the moment would never end. After what seemed an eternity, the lift started, and they soon arrived at the top of the lift.
“This is our last run, now,” he said. “We lost too much time on the lift.”
“Yeah, and I got so cold, I’m ready to get home anyway. Hot chocolate and the hot tub.” Her voice was cheery despite her obvious discomfort.
Josh followed her down the steep bumpy run, admiring her graceful form. They skied onto the trail that wound past the house and took off their skis to walk the last fifty yards. He hated the uncomfortable silence that had fallen over them, and strove to make light conversation.
“Jace had a great time in his lesson this morning. I can’t thank you enough.”
“I loved teaching him. He’s not like most nine-year-olds. He doesn’t complain about anything, and he tries so hard.”
“Yeah. I’m lucky. He’s really a great kid. I hope I don’t mess him up.”
