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‘And, yes, we were lovers. And I have never had one before, in case you think I sleep with every good-looking man who comes my way,’ she added militantly. ‘And I had to ask him, because he was being so damnably gallant and gentlemanlike. We knew it could only last while we were in France—I cannot risk the scandal. We both knew that.’
Bel was watching her in wide-eyed silence now. At least she had stopped glaring. ‘I fell in love with him. I didn’t mean to, I really did not mean to. But I couldn’t help it. I love him so much.’
‘Then—?’ Bel was thinking hard, her brow furrowed. ‘Of course, you thought he was just a King’s Messenger, a glorified bodyguard. No wonder you dismissed him when you got to England.’
‘I knew he was more than that. And in Brussels I found him in the Peerage. But what difference does that make? I’d love him if he was a fishmonger’s son. I told you—I did not dismiss him, he left me. He does not want me, or he would never have gone like that, without a word, just with a message to my son.’
Bel was biting her lip thoughtfully. ‘Was it worth it?’ she blurted out. ‘Was having him as a lover worth all this heartache?’
‘Yes! Yes,’ Eva added more softly. ‘But he never pretended it was anything more than an affaire.’
‘He never said it was anything more, you mean,’ Bel retorted. ‘Did you tell him you love him?’
‘No, of course not. Can you imagine telling a man you love him when you know he does not love you? How humiliating to see the pity in his face, the tact he will have to use to extricate himself.’
‘Not if he loves you, too—how can you be sure he doesn’t? I do not know about love, I was not in love with my husband and I have taken no lover. But I know my brother, and he is hurting. He is missing you.’
‘Then why did he leave me like that?’ Eva demanded. ‘That hurt me.’
‘I expect he thought a clean break was kindest for you. I imagine it must have been difficult to talk intimately in a houseful of servants and with your son there,’ Bel said thoughtfully. ‘Do you want to marry him?’
‘Yes.’ The word was out of her mouth
before she could think. Yes, of course she did.
‘And he can hardly ask the Dowager Grand Duchess, can he? I don’t expect it is etiquette. You will have to tell him you love him and ask.’
‘But…what if he says no?’ Eva shut her eyes at the thought of it, every cell in her body cringing. She could almost hear that cool, deep voice, carefully and kindly masking his amusement at such a preposterous idea.
‘What if he says yes?’ Bel countered. ‘You’ll never know until you try, because, believe me, Sebastian is far too proud to plead with a woman who has been making it clear she wants no entanglements. And you have, haven’t you?’
‘Of course! I would never have got him to agree if he had thought I was going to fall in love with him. What are you smiling about?’ she added indignantly. Bel’s mouth was curving into an unmistakable grin.
‘The thought of my rake of a brother having to be asked if he wanted to make love to a beautiful woman,’ she explained frankly.
‘Is he a rake, then?’ He had said as much, but somehow she had let herself think about gaming and clothes and racehorses, not mistresses and lightskirts.
‘Shocking,’ his loving sister confirmed. ‘But somehow I doubt if he is seeking solace elsewhere this time.’
‘Oh.’
‘And, ma’am…’
‘Eva. Please call me Eva.’ Somehow this stranger had become someone she wanted for a friend.
‘Eva. There is something Sebastian would never tell you, but if I am going to trust you with one of my brothers, I may as well trust you with both. Our half-brother—’
‘The duke?’
‘Yes. Charles. He is never going to marry. Possibly one day Sebastian will succeed him—he is ten years the younger, after all. But if you have a son together, the boy most certainly will.’
‘The duke is unwell? Disabled in some way? Er…disturbed?’
‘The duke does not find women attractive. Not sexually attractive. Do you understand me?’
‘Oh. Yes.’ One came across it, of course, although Louis had had to explain it to her. ‘But is that not illegal?’
‘Yes. You see how I trust you.’
