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That she knew with certainty now that her memory was coming back to her. ‘Four days.’
‘Whether you are with child or not, I am going to marry you, Rose. I am going to court you, very publically. If you are with child then we will marry as soon as may be. If you are not, we can afford a little more time. You agree?’
‘Yes…’ She would not do to a child of hers what had been done to Adam, saddling the poor babe with a lifetime of being thought second best because of his parentage. Adam would stop at nothing to prevent that, she was certain, and he was right. ‘I agree to that, but if I am not pregnant, then I do not expect you to abide by this. I wish you would listen to what my sense of honour dictates, as well as your own.’
He smiled then. It was a trifle wry, but it was a smile. ‘You mean your sense of honour allows you to trifle with me, Miss Tatton? You seduced me and now you want to cast me aside?’
‘Oh, you—’ Reluctantly she laughed. And perhaps he was right, perhaps she had taken something from him at the same time as she surrendered her virginity that night.
‘How do you propose to go about courting me?’ There was no point in labouring this now, somehow she must try to discover what the right thing was for both of them.
‘I must be guided by you. I am out of practice—’ He checked himself. ‘I am not in the habit of wooing respectable young ladies.’
But you have once? And it did not end well, quite obviously. ‘You could call tomorrow and take me walking in the Parc at the fashionable hour; that would be a good start. After that I will see if we receive any invitations. Mama will be doing her best as soon as she recovers a little, I have no doubt.’
‘Invitations?’ Adam sounded as though she expected him to attend a witches’ coven.
‘Of course. I doubt there will be balls or any large events. Too many people will be in mourning. But there will be dinner parties, suppers, small musical evenings, I am certain. Adam, do you realise you have gone positively pale?’ Perversely this sign of weakness in him strengthened her. She needed to stand on her own two feet again and the temptation to simply lean on Adam was strong. It would be easier if he needed to lean on her, just a little.
‘I can dance,’ he said. ‘During the Peninsula campaign, Wellington would have probably shot as unfit for duty any officer who couldn’t cut a figure. But dinner parties? Suppers? And what the devil would I be expected to do at a musicale? No.’
His alarm would have been amusing if there was not a quicksand waiting for just one wrong step and it would be Adam’s pride that would sink if she got this wrong. His expression forced the first laugh from her all day. ‘Adam, you go into battle on a regular basis. People try to kill you, brutally. You handle explosives and command men who need ferocious discipline, yet you are alarmed at the thought of a dinner party?’
‘Yes,’ he said bluntly. ‘Look, I know perfectly well which knives and forks to use and I won’t drink the water out of the finger bowls or remark that the blackberry jam tastes of fish if caviar is served, but I have no experience whatsoever of parties where respectable young ladies are present, or ferocious chaperones or men who want to talk about anything other than war, tactics, hunting, hounds or sex.’
‘Adam!’ Rose clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter. It was so good to laugh with him again.
‘You wanted the truth,’ he said darkly. ‘I have no small talk. I don’t know what is permissible to say or do with young ladies, let alone their mamas. As far as society women are concerned I am used to army wives and dashing matrons.’
‘Respectable young ladies are easy. The game they are expected to play is that they are ignorant and innocent. They have no opinions, at least none on serious matters and certainly none that might contradict what a gentleman says. Their role is to look pretty and make you feel rich, handsome, clever and dashing. Your role is to make them feel beautiful, charming, fragile and, in the most chaste way possible, desirable.’
‘How the devil do I desire a woman chastely?’
‘Desirable as a wife, the perfect mother of your children and an uplifting moral influence on your life.’
‘May I go and start a small war somewhere instead?’ Adam enquired. ‘It would be easier.’
‘No. Now concentrate. You do not touch them, except to take their hand. You do not stare down the front of their gowns and you never, for a moment, allow yourself to be alone with one of them. With me, as you will be courting me and I am going to encourage you, you may flirt. You do know how to flirt, don’t you??
??
‘With a respectable woman?’ When she rolled her eyes at him his mouth twitched into his rare half-smile. ‘Very well, I shall pretend I am on a spying mission behind enemy lines. At least no one will shoot me if I let my language slip.’
‘No, you will be withered by some terrifying dowager instead. It is Sunday tomorrow. Come with us to the Protestant service at the Chapel Royal. You may find the hymns in my hymnal for me and look solemn.’ Rose stood and went to put her arms around his shoulders, rested her cheek on the top of his head. In her embrace Adam went very still. ‘I need a hug.’
‘I may not touch young ladies except on the hand,’ he said as he turned his face into the swell of her bosom. ‘If we are to succeed in this without arousing suspicions, Miss Tatton, we cannot afford to slip.’
‘That is not my hand you are touching, Major.’ She slid down on to his knee and rested her head on his shoulder. ‘I need a hug and a kiss, Adam. Just one for courage.’
‘So do I,’ he said and closed his arms tight around her. ‘In this position I can hug or I can kiss.’
‘Kiss.’ She twisted round, wondering when, if ever, she would have his mouth on hers again, his hands on her body, her hands in the springing texture of his hair.
His lips were bold and sensual, the taste of him on her tongue was achingly familiar and yet she sensed a restraint, as though he was shielding his power from her. He knew they should not be doing this and he was holding back. But it was difficult, she could sense that in every taut line of his body, and she felt a guilty pleasure in that sensual knowledge.
*
Rose told herself that she was pleased to see Adam the next morning because the evening with her parents had been so difficult, but she could not deceive herself it was not more than that.
