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Three days, she thought as they climbed the stairs to their rooms. Three days, and by then I must have planned everything. There were so
many gaps in the scheme she had worked out through the long night. And if Alex was not at Tasborough Hall, what would she do?
Chapter Seventeen
Three days later the chaise turned out of the King’s Arms in Berkhamsted and drove briskly west. The postilion had proved excellent and at every stage had secured strong, steady horses so that the journey, although tiring, was not exhausting. Now, obedient to Hebe’s instructions, and after consulting the grooms at the inn, he was setting out for Tasborough Hall to arrive at eleven o’clock.
‘But what are you going to say to him—if he is there?’ Anna queried. She had asked over and over again, but all Hebe would do was shake her head and reply, ‘I am still working it out.’
That was nothing less than the truth. There were still the gaping holes in her plan that she could not quite solve, but with every turn of the carriage wheel she was getting closer to the problem of how to break the news to a man that he was going to be a father, and in such circumstances.
In many ways Hebe felt better in herself. She was eating, although it was an effort, and she no longer felt so dizzy and weak. But her back ached and the cold, nagging fear at the enormity of what was happening lurked like a beast in the recesses of her mind, ready to spring out whenever she let her guard drop. And she would soon see Alex: she could not let herself dwell on that, on how she would feel, on how she must control the urge to throw herself into his arms and pour out the story.
Instead she must keep calm, rehearse what she had to say so that it was rational, sensible and he would see the inevitable good sense of what she proposed.
The chaise turned off the pike road and began to follow a winding road across gently rising fields. Then, abruptly, after a sharp turn, it became steeper, shadowed by huge beech trees on either side. Anna peered out of the window. ‘Mountains?’
‘No, just the Chiltern Hills. I think we must be there.’ The carriage swung between a pair of lodge houses built of grey stone with split-flint panels and into a driveway that led, at last, into an open space before a rambling mansion. Hebe peered through the window at the building, which appeared to have grown over centuries, added to in the style of the day as each succeeding generation saw fit. A heavily panelled front door, heavily draped in black crepe, was set in the centre of what appeared to be the Jacobean heart of the building.
As she waited for the postilion to dismount, the door opened and a footman hurried over, let down the carriage steps and opened the door. When he saw the occupants, he stared in surprise before recollecting himself. ‘I beg your pardon, ma’am, I was expecting Lawyer Stone.’
‘Is Major Beresford at home?’ Hebe asked. ‘I realise this is a very difficult time…’
‘The Major.’ The man stared at her blankly and for a moment Hebe wondered if they had come to the wrong house. ‘Er…yes, ma’am. Well, that is, he is here, ma’am, but I do not know if he is receiving visitors now.’
‘I do appreciate that. However, I have a very urgent message from Spain—I hope I do not have to say more? Could you tell the Major that I come from Rear Admiral Sir Richard Latham.’
‘Oh, yes, ma’am. Of course. Would you care to come inside?’ The footman helped them down and directed the postilion round to the stables. ‘This way, ladies.’
A very superior butler was crossing the hall as they entered, a harassed frown on his face. His expression became professionally blank the moment he saw the visitors. ‘Good morning, ladies. May I be of assistance?’
The footman went and whispered in his ear and the butler’s face became, if anything, blanker. ‘If you would care to step into the Panelled Salon, ladies, I will inform the Major. That is—’ he broke off suddenly and threw open a door. ‘I think you will be comfortable here, ladies. What name shall I say?’
‘Miss…Circe, and companion,’ Hebe said.
‘Miss Sersay, very well, ma’am.’
The wait, although it was probably no more than ten minutes, seemed endless. Hebe thought she had never been in a more silent house. Only the ticking of the clock on the mantle broke the smothering quiet.
He was here, and in a moment she would see him. As she thought it, the door opened and Alex walked in. He was dressed from head to toe in black, relieved only by the white of his shirt. Even his neckcloth was black. His face was paler than Hebe had ever seen it, for not only had the tan begun to fade, but he appeared to have no colour left under his skin at all.
‘Hebe!’ His eyes blazed blue at the sight of her. ‘What on earth? What is wrong? You look so—’
‘I will wait outside,’ Anna said, although neither of the others appeared to notice she had spoken. She slipped out and went to sit in the hall.
‘Hebe?’ Alex took one long stride towards her and halted as Hebe put up both hands as though to ward him off. ‘Please, sit down here.’ He pulled forward one of the brocade chairs that flanked the empty fire. ‘What is wrong? Starling said you had a message from Sir Richard.’
‘No, I told him I had come from Sir Richard, which is true. Alex, I am so very sorry to hear about your father—what a tragic homecoming for you.’
‘Thank you. It has been a…difficult few weeks. But why are you here, and looking so thin and tired? Did you have a very bad voyage from Gibraltar?’
‘No.’ Hebe bit her lip, twisting her hands tightly in her lap. Now she was here, with him, all her carefully rehearsed phrases vanished from her head. ‘Alex, please, will you not sit down? I cannot order my thoughts with you standing over me.’
‘Of course.’ He dropped into the chair opposite and leaned forward, his forearms on his thighs, hands loosely clasped in front of him. ‘What am I thinking of? Would you like some refreshment?’
‘No!’ Hebe took a deep breath and said more calmly, ‘No, thank you. Alex, I do not think there is any easy way to tell you what I have come to say. I hope you will forgive me for intruding now, of all times, but I dared not write in case the letter fell into other hands, and I dared not leave it for any longer to see you, or appearances might cause talk. I checked the newspapers and saw there had been no mention of your marriage, so I thought I had every chance of avoiding seeing Lady Clarissa as well.’
He broke in, ‘Clarissa and I…’
