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At some point she must have fallen asleep, for Hebe woke to morning light in a strange bed. She felt as weak as a kitten, but the pain had gone. ‘Anna?’
‘Here I am, ducky.’
‘The baby…’
‘I am sorry, my love. The doctor said there was nothing to be done. Sometimes it just happens, as though it was never meant to be.’
Never meant to be. My baby. Alex’s baby, never meant to be…
‘I would have done anything to protect it.’
‘I know.’ Anna had her in her arms and was gently rocking to and fro.
‘But I never felt it was real. Does that make sense?’
‘No,’ the older woman said, ‘but that doesn’t matter.’
‘When can I travel? Aunt and Uncle will be worried.’
‘Tomorrow, the doctor says, if you rest today. He will come back this afternoon.’
‘I will write to them. We are still on the main road, are we not? It should catch the mail.’
Anna went for writing paper and a quill and Hebe wrote a brief note explaining that she had been taken sick on the road with an illness she had been suffering from since Gibraltar, but hoped to be with them the next evening. That went off with reassurances that it would be in town by the afternoon and Hebe tried to compose a letter to Alex.
This was far harder. She had to tell him that the need to marry her was gone, but in such a way that if it was read by anyone else it would give no clue as to what she was talking about. She hated to break the news in such a way. Surely he would be sad to hear what had happened, even if it spared him the painful necessity of an unwelcome marriage?
After much thought she wrote: My lord, I feel I must write at the earliest opportunity to thank you for your hospitality when I called yesterday. Your patience and kindness to me at a moment of the deepest grief for your family is not something I will ever forget. Nor will I forget the efforts you made to assist me with the problem that I discussed with you. I regret to tell you that I have been taken ill upon my journey. Although the doctor assures me I may travel tomorrow, the nature of my illness is such that I find all my previous plans have come to nothing and I believe I will spend some time quietly in London with my aunt and uncle and not undertake the journey against which you so strongly advised me. Please accept my sincere condolences upon your sad loss, and for all the other distressing instances that have marked your return home to England. I remain, as ever, your friend, Hebe Carlton.
Surely he would understand her meaning. Hebe folded the letter and wrote the direction. When Anna came back she gave it to her to seal. ‘Please see this is sent to Tasborough Hall, Anna. And that it is put into Alex’s hands only.’
The doctor came later that day and expressed himself satisfied with Mrs Sersay’s progress. He spoke to her plainly but gently, assuring her it was no fault of hers and that there was no reason at all why she should not bear many healthy children in the future. But not Alex’s children, Hebe thought sadly. Nor anyone else’s.
The journey to London was accomplished safely and slowly, and it was with relief that Hebe found herself outside the smart townhouse in Charles Street. Her Aunt Emily, her late mother’s younger sister, came running down the steps, cap ribbons flying, as pretty and impetuous as Hebe remembered her from so many years ago.
After one look at Hebe, she summoned a sturdy footman and ordered her niece carried inside and up to her bedchamber immediately. ‘Take care, Peter, do! Oh, good day, ma’am, you must be Mrs Wilkins, Hebe’s companion? Welcome… Through here, Peter, put Miss Hebe down carefully. No, Joanna, you may not see your cousin, she is not well and needs to rest.’ Shutting the door firmly on husband, footman and daughters, Emily Fulgrave leaned against it and regarded Hebe with a warm smile.
‘You poor child, you look exhausted. Now, what is this mysterious illness? I must get Sir William Knighton to see you tomorrow.’
Hebe sent Anna a look of desperate entreaty, and she plunged into the breach, taking Mrs Fulgrave by the arm and beginning to whisper confidentially. Eventually Emily came over to the bed and sat down, patting Hebe’s hand.
‘Poor child. No wonder you do not want to be embarrassed by more male doctors examining you. The advice your own doctor gave you seems perfectly sensible: we must let you have lots of rest and build you up with good food. Plenty of milk and chicken, did you say, Mrs Wilkins?’
‘Yes, ma’am. And liver,’ Anna added firmly, ignoring Hebe’s horrified expression.
‘Well, dear, you are here now, and we are all looking forward so much to you feeling yourself again. Joanna wants to show you London and all the sights, little William has promised to lend you any of his toys if you are bored, and Grace and I cannot wait to take you shopping and to parties. Town is a little short of company now, at the start of the summer, but I am sure you will find plenty to entertain you. And I hardly need say that your uncle Hubert is delighted to have his favourite niece to stay.
‘Shall I leave you with Mrs Wilkins to get undressed and into bed? You can have a little rest and, if you feel a bit better later, Grace and I will come and have supper up here with you.’
Hebe agreed gratefully to this programme and lay back on the bed as her anxious aunt closed the door quietly behind her. ‘What did you say was wrong with me?’ she asked Anna, who was lifting clothes out of one of the portmanteaux in search of a nightgown.
‘I told her it was a woman’s problem and not serious and that your doctor said you would grow out of it, but meanwhile you are very embarrassed at being questioned and examined and I was sure you would soon be feeling much better.’
‘Grow out of it? Anna, I am twenty years old!’
Anna shrugged. ‘She seemed to accept it. If you rest, I am sure you will soon be feeling much better, and then she will stop worrying about you.’ She found the nightgown she was looking for and shook it out. ‘This is a nice family, I think. I saw the children: two pretty girls and a handsome little boy, all very worried about their cousin they have not seen for so many years. This will be a good house to grow happy in again.’
‘Grow happy again.’ Hebe blinked away a tear. ‘Yes, if I cannot grow happy here, Anna, I do not know where I would.’ Except at Tasborough Hall, with Alex, her heart told her.
