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‘Stay in your own bed for a few nights.’ He heard the wretched woman laugh softly as she padded off down the corridor.
Avery abandoned thoughts of the brandy, went to bed and lay awake, brooding on the enigma that was his wife. He had misjudged her badly over Piers, but why had she rejected the baby? Perhaps her grief for Piers was the cause. Or she simply could not face the scandal and then, if she feared she was never going to marry and have children, a belated maternal instinct had driven her to seek out her daughter. But if scandal worried her, why had she returned to society and behaved in a manner that was certain to brand her as fast, to put it mildly?
But he could hardly demand an explanation now, not when he had so obviously destroyed whatever shreds of trust she had in him. He shifted uncomfortably, going back in his head over her shock and hurt that he had so misread her letter. It seemed that she was right not to trust him and yet he dare not risk trusting her utterly either, not when he loved her like this. It felt like baring his throat to a sword.
Alice had been his only vulnerability, his only weak spot. In everything else his life was his to command and he could rely on his determination, his intellect, his ambition, to achieve what he wanted. He was not used to failure. Somehow he had to turn this around for all their futures.
Chapter Nineteen
Laura took breakfast in bed the next morning. It was easier to yield to Mab’s bullying than face Avery over bacon and eggs that would simply make her queasy. She was uncomfortably aware that he was probably very angry with her. No man would take a monosyllabic refusal with equanimity, she was certain. She should have explained, however embarrassing it was and however hurt she was by his interpretation of her letter to Piers.
And that did hurt, deeply. No wonder Avery had thought so little of her if he could believe she was fickle enough to send a letter full of accusations and recrimination to a man facing danger and death. He was a hypocrite, too, she told herself, stoking her anger. He had virtually forced Piers to go back to Spain when, who knows, if he had sold out to marry her and be a father to their child, he would be alive now.
What if, what if… No, it was a futile game to play. Piers might have walked out of his house and been run over by a cart, or have been struck down by typhoid. Every second of every day everyone made choices that could result in life or death. If Avery felt guilty, then that was his burden to carry and she had to learn to forgive him.
It was curiously difficult to do, even when she loved him. Perhaps that was the penalty of becoming older, one saw the shades of grey in everything, in everyone.
‘Mama?’ Alice peeped around the door. ‘Blackie and Mab say you are poorly and I mustn’t come and bounce on the bed.’
‘But you may come in and sit beside me.’ Laura patted the bed. ‘I will be better soon, it is just a tummy ache.’
‘Papa has written you a letter. He said I could bring it.’ Beaming with importance, she handed over the note, folded but unsealed.
Laura opened it and read: I have accepted an offer on the timber in the far woods and I must go to St Albans to my lawyers to finalise the sale and for other business. I may also need to go to Buckingham, but I will be back in four, or at the most seven, days. There was no salutation, no signature beyond his initials.
‘Papa has gone away for a few days on business,’ Laura said and managed a big smile. ‘So the ladies of the house are in charge. What mischief shall we get up to while Papa is away?’
That did make Alice bounce, until Mab wagged a finger at her. They would have a picnic with nothing but cake, go riding all day, buy a puppy…
Laura let her rattle on and told herself that it was only her present condition that made her feel so miserable. But she knew she wanted Avery back, needed to talk to him, needed to find a way through this suspicion between them.
Alice followed Mab into the dressing room to ‘help’ her sort out Laura’s shoes and Laura smiled at Miss Blackstock, standing quietly in the corner, waiting with her usual patience. ‘Do you think we should find Miss Alice a governess, Miss Blackstock? My husband was speaking of it a while ago.’
‘That was when he did not know who he would be marrying so soon, if I might be so bold as to put it that way. He hasn’t said any more about it to me, my lady.’
‘She is still a little young. I could undertake her lessons for a year.’
‘That would please Miss Alice, my lady. But might it not be a problem when his lordship wishes to travel with you and not always take Miss Alice? You haven’t had your bride trip yet, for one thing.’
That was true. Somehow Laura could not imagine Avery wanting to whisk her away alone on a romantic journey, but he might want her to act as hostess if he was sent on a diplomatic mission and Alice was becoming rather old to take around the capitals of Europe with parents who were distracted by matter of state.
‘A governess would give her continuity,’ Laura agreed. She stretched and rubbed her back. The cramps were easing, by tomorrow she would feel her usual energetic self. ‘Which carriage has Lord Wykeham taken?’
‘The small one, my lady.’
‘Well, in that case, I think I will take the travelling carriage and we can go up to London tomorrow and set about finding someone. Mab, Alice!’ They looked around the door, one head above the other, and made her smile. ‘I think we will have a ladies’ trip to London, just the four of us, and we will see if we cannot find Alice a nice governess. What do you think of that, Alice?’
The child came in, her face scrunched up in thought as she considered this hard question. ‘Will she be fun?’
‘Of course. She will be young and cheerful and she will teach you all kinds of exciting things.’
‘And you won’t go away, just because I’ve got her?’
‘I will have to go away if Papa is travelling and needs me, but I will always come back, Alice. If we choose a governess now, then you will have plenty of time to get to know her before I go anywhere with Papa. And Blackie will be here, as well.’ Alice nodded approval. ‘In that case, ladies, this afternoon we will pack for London!’
*
Avery had intended to stay away a week, time for Laura to recover from her temporary indisposition and from her distress over the letter. Time for him to decide how to deal with a wife he desired, whom he had, undoubtedly, wronged and yet, somehow could not quite bring himself to trust. She has wronged me, a mutinous voice reminded him. She had never explained how she could shut Alice out of her life for six years. She had acted a part as Mrs Jordan. She had tried to entrap him into marriage. And yet I love her.
