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“I’m not her mother. I can never be her mother.” I swallowed hard. “No matter how much I love her, it’s not the same as—”
“You think a child knows the difference as long as they’re treasured? Sure, they might wonder what if, but the lack comes
from not being loved enough, not from whether the person who tucks them in at night was mommy or daddy. I didn’t know my father, and I grew up just fine with only my mom. She was everything.” Ally gripped my wrists and jerked my arms until my eyes snapped up to meet hers. “She was way more than enough.”
“Your mother was amazing.”
“You’re right. She was. And so are you. Laurie couldn’t be any luckier if she had two parents. No one could love that little girl more than you do. Just like you’d love that new baby. I never doubted for a second that you were enough. It wasn’t that.”
“I didn’t know you were a virgin. If I’d known…”
“It’s not about that either.” Her nails scraped my wrists, and the bite of pain made my cock spring to life. I wasn’t proud of it, but this woman was like a goddamn torch to my libido.
One taste of her hadn’t been enough. Would never be enough.
“Then?” I asked softly, fighting the urge to cup her cheek so she had no choice but to look into my eyes. I hated that she never fully looked at me anymore. That was a new thing too.
So much of this was new, and she wasn’t the only one struggling to keep her footing. With every step, I felt as if I was sinking in quicksand.
“You’re the most important person in my life. If this goes sideways and I lose you—” she began.
“Not gonna happen.” Even after the past week, I didn’t have to fake the confidence in my voice. “We are solid. Always. No matter what.”
“A baby would change things. You thought you’d make it easy on me, give me the chance to walk away. But I couldn’t. Just like I can’t turn my back on you or that little girl.” Her face tipped up to mine and her pleading tone cut me to the quick. “Do you honestly think I could walk away from a child we’d made?”
“So do it with me.”
Her mouth quivered. “What?”
“Have the baby with me and we’ll raise it together. Why the hell not, right? We’re both single, and we’re friends. As close as could be before sex, and now that’s obviously a go too, so why not?” I rushed on, the idea gaining speed. I didn’t know all the logistics of what I was suggesting, but right now, I didn’t care.
This way, we could both get what we wanted. And I wouldn’t lose her. She wouldn’t walk away from town for school, or if she did, she’d come back.
She’d always come back to me. To us.
Ally backed up and spun around, facing the stacks of boxes along the far wall. “What about Laurie?”
The question barely registered, because all I could think about was that she hadn’t said no.
Hadn’t said yes either, but she definitely hadn’t said no.
“She wants another sibling. You know that.”
“But if it’s me you have the child with, won’t it confuse her? We’ve spent years telling her we are just friends.”
“She loves you. She’d be thrilled to have you around more. As would I.” Unable to stay away a second longer, I wrapped my arms around her from behind.
She not only bristled, but she pulled her body not so subtly away from mine. Something else she was always doing lately. Now that I knew she was attracted to me too, it seemed like just one more confusion to pile onto the rest. But maybe she wasn’t comfortable being attracted to me yet. In her mind, we were still off-limits. Still strictly friend-zoned.
“Hey,” I said gently. “It’s just me. Last night doesn’t change all that came before.” She let out a broken laugh and I swallowed over the dust in my throat. “Does it?”
She laughed again, weakly. “I know you’re not a chick.”
“Not so much, no.”
“But yeah, for women, sex changes stuff. Probably not all women. I’m sure there are plenty who can do it and not overanalyze, but I’m not one of them. Not when it’s you.”
I stroked a hand over her arm. “Plus, it was your first—“
