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Silence was not the response I expected.
I wasn’t sure what I did expect. The request wasn’t a usual one, not even between longtime friends. Tenth grade was more than a decade in the rearview mirror, and here we were.
Still friends. Best friends, even. Our friendship had survived my marriage and divorce, among other things. If this crazy request of mine didn’t kill her affection for me.
Anyone’s bet at this point.
“Have your baby…what? What does that mean, exactly?” When I didn’t immediately reply, she fanned herself with the laminated menu she’d given me. “Okay, wait, baby means Laurie. Of course it does. She’s your only baby. Right? Right. So you must want me to babysit her or something? I can do that. Sure. Let me consult my planner for dates.”
I stopped her from flying out of the booth. “Laurie isn’t a baby. She’s almost four. As she likes to tell me, that’s almost halfway to ten, and ten is more than halfway to a big person.”
As always, when talk of my daughter entered the conversation, Ally softened. I might have known that and used it to my advantage, if I hadn’t been so addicted to how her cheeks turned pink and her smile warmed at my little girl’s name. God knows Laurie’s own mother hadn’t been similarly affected.
Ally’s love of children, and my child in particular, had weighed in heavily to my choice to ask her this very important question. And if I’d watched her with my daughter a bit too much lately, studying the exact curl of Ally’s hair against her neck, or the way her dangling earrings made shadows, or how her mouth curved and teased out a dimple—well, I was a red-blooded man.
One who could only ignore the beauty in front of him so long without it slamming him in the forehead, apparently.
“She is a big girl. Growing bigger every day.” The wistfulness in Ally’s voice made me lean forward.
“So now that we’ve ascertained I wasn’t talking about you babysitting my child, something you do on occasion anyway, let’s go back to the point of this conversation. You. Having my baby.”
Golden brown eyes settled on mine as a smile toyed with her mouth. “You missed April Fools day by a mile, dude.”
“This isn’t a joke. There’s no hidden camera. This is just me, your best friend coming to you with a simple request.”
Her dark brows knitted. “A simple request to borrow my eggs? And what would you need with another baby anyway? You already have one. You work all the time, and if you had two kids, you’d have twice the work.”
“I’d have another child to love and my little girl would have a sibling, something she wants more than anything else in this world.” I toyed with the handle of my coffee cup. “Even more than she wants a mother, and that’s the one thing I can never give her. Fucked that one up royally.”
Ally sighed and tweaked my pinky, curled around the cooling mug. I’d barely touched my coffee. My throat was too tight.
“That wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know Marj was only it for the dough. How could you?”
“Oh, I don’t know, that she was always more concerned about fur coats and jewels than baby formula and lullabies? If I’d been paying attention, that is. But as you said, I’m always working.” I heard the bitterness in my tone and couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it, though I knew I was screwing this up more with every passing moment.
I didn’t want Ally feeling sorry for me or guilted into this situation. I wanted her to make the choice because it would be good for her and good for me and Laurie. A positive thing all around.
“She didn’t breastfeed?”
“Is that relevant?”
“No, not really, just that it’s such a healthy, nurturing experience. It’s not an imperative, of course. A baby can be perfectly happy and cared for without it.”
“I’d be fine with you breastfeeding our child.” Just
saying those words had my stomach tightening in weird and unexpected ways.
“Stop it.” She hissed out a breath. “We don’t have a child. Nor will we. I don’t know why you’re pursuing this, really, but it’s not very funny. Now I should get back to—”
I reached out and snagged her wrist. “Let me spell this out for you before you run from me and concoct all kinds of crazy scenarios in your head. I want another child. I do not want another relationship, potentially with a woman who would harm our baby and not be viable long-term. I just want a healthy child. To that end, I am prepared to compensate you for your significant time investment. Four years at the college of your choosing, tuition free. If you desire to go to grad school, that will be covered as well.”
She yanked back her hand and let it drop limply into her lap. “You’ve gone stark raving mad.”
“Actually, I feel saner than I ever have. Instead of lamenting I can’t have what I want, what my daughter wants, I can make it happen with a woman I trust. The only woman I trust.” Swallowing hard, I gripped the handle of my mug and fought not to reach for Ally again. “I’m not exaggerating. It’s you or no one. I can’t risk it with anyone else.”
Her lower lip wobbled and I clutched the handle until my damn knuckles went white. If she cried, I’d be done for.
“Not fair,” she whispered. “So not fair.”
