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I could hold her. I could. I did all the time.
Well, sometimes.
Occasionally.
Hannah’s face softened. “Just for a second. I want to look at the books.”
Swallowing hard, I lifted Lily into my arms. Her forehead wrinkled as she stared fixedly up at me, her gaze saying everything I was thinking.
You suck at this.
I adjusted her in my arms so she was more comfortable, then reached up with my free hand to sort of pat her head. Awkwardly. While Lily stuck her chubby fist in her mouth and started to self-soothe.
I couldn’t blame her. I needed to self-soothe too.
“Oh, look at all these Little Golden Books! You have so many. Wow, seriously old.” Hannah sat down cross-legged on the antique rug and paged through a couple of them.
“From my childhood.”
“Super old,” she said over her shoulder, although for a second I thought I saw a glow in her eyes.
So brief that it might’ve been a flick of a lighter in the darkness.
“Keep that kind of talk up and I’ll begin to think you have some kind of older man fetish.” I hoped Lily wasn’t listening. Not that she cared much for what I had to say when she had her delicious hand to snack on.
Hannah continued flipping through the book. “Who’s saying I don’t?”
She was acting weird, all right. Not flirty exactly. But she definitely wasn’t backing down if things went in that direction.
Maybe she was testing my resolve from the other day. Maybe this was all a game to her.
Maybe I was too fucking horny and it was highly inappropriate while holding a baby in my arms.
“The Shy Little Kitten? Scuffy the Tugboat? No way. Oh, these are so sweet. You kept all these?” She glanced at me. “For your own kids?”
She’d already looked away again by the time I managed to speak. The excitement on her face and in her voice was intoxicating, but it vanished far too fast. “I guess so. I’m not sure why we kept them. My grandmother was their steward though. She bought me almost all of them.”
“Not your mother?”
“My mother didn’t worry overmuch about my reading habits.”
I carted Lily over to where Hannah sat and joined her on the rug. I made a cage out of my spread legs and set Lily on the floor, surprised that my arms were aching a bit. Not from being sore, but because they were now empty. Lily had felt right in them.
Hannah looked at where Lily was trying to push herself up using my legs for balance, her lips twitching. Still not a smile, but if anyone had been able to get one from her, it was Lily. “She’s ready to run.”
“Not yet, dear God. I have to finish babyproofing the house.”
“Easy enough to do when it’s empty.”
“That’s a good point. Maybe I’ll leave it this way.” Thoughtfully, I scratched my chin.
“This room isn’t empty.” Hannah craned her neck to take in the ornately carved desk that had been a holdover from my apartment. My laptop and my files were stacked on top. “There’s even seating that isn’t the floor.” She nodded to the chaise across from the desk, another piece from my apartment.
“This is where I spend most of my time. For you, it’d be the kitchen.” Almost as an afterthought, I reached out to tuck a stray strand of hair that had escaped from her braid behind her ear.
She sucked in a breath as if I’d held a lit match to her skin. Lily whipped her head around, searching for the cause, shifting toward Hannah as if she could help.
Instead of dropping my hand, I leaned forward to slip it under her braid, casually cupping the back of her neck.
