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That would need to be taken care of this week, as awkward as it was considering the situation. But she’d agreed to take on a job and I’d agree to compensate her, so we needed to get it handled. And this way she would be protected if our personal relationship soured—any more than it had already—and she would be on the books as Lily’s official caretaker.
Assuming she still wanted to be.
That she hadn’t split showed how much she already cared about my little girl. I wouldn’t take advantage of her financially on top of everything else.
We just needed to actually talk to each other.
We’d made a baby, and we’d fucked, and we’d fought. Then we’d fucked and fought again. There hadn’t been much time for any sort of conversation that didn’t involve our loins, or the fruits of them.
I rubbed my forehead and tacked on a quick note at the bottom of the paper.
I’m assuming you’re still working for me. If I’m wrong, you know where to find me.
Great, defensive with touch of dickishness. The exact tone I needed to convey after last night’s colossal mess.
I hope we can figure this out.
I took a deep breath and studied my hurried scrawl. One more step. You can do it.
Hannah, I’m sorry.
A text came in from Vincent. He was already on the way to the trade show. Did I want to take the afternoon shift?
No. I wanted to be anywhere but here right now, as horrible of a person as that probably made me.
I set down the stubby pencil. The words I’d written seemed so inadequate. She deserved a face to face apology, but I didn’t know what to say. How to explain. I couldn’t puzzle out my own thought process right now.
Work was what I knew. What I was good at. Or I’d been good at it once. I just had to see my way through this period. Emerging on the other side would be Wainwright Industries’ greatest triumph.
And mine, other than mastering the art of the perfect diaper.
I tucked a bottle of water in my soft-sided briefcase and stepped outside into a frosty morning. The barren trees glistened with snow and ice and the lawn was covered with a pristine layer of fluffy snow. The driveway had been plowed, as had the road itself. I would have no trouble getting out.
Halfway down the steps, I stopped and puffed out a breath. I hadn’t said goodbye to Lily, as was my habit. Already I was conceding that space to Hannah. Far too eagerly, if I was being honest. She seemed to have the whole baby thing under much better control than I did.
Not even just because she was carrying one.
Mine.
At the sharp twist in my chest, I gripped my briefcase and turned back. I wasn’t going to run out of my own home. Not again. If I happened to see Hannah while I was saying goodbye to Lily, so be it.
I headed upstairs and stopped in the doorway to Lily’s room. Her mobile was spinning merrily, playing some sweet tune. Lily was staring up at it with her fist in her mouth.
“Hi there, sweetheart,” I murmured as I set down my briefcase.
Her gaze swung to me and she let out a giggly gurgle before sticking out her arms. I looked over my shoulder, sure Hannah was probably behind me.
Nope. Lily wanted me to pick her up.
Carefully, I lifted her into my arms. She grabbed a fistful of my hair and tried to drag it into her mouth, her big blue eyes fastened to mine with a plea I wasn’t strong enough to resist.
So what if she sucked on my hair? It would dry.
We moved to the window and I spoke in a soft voice to her as I narrated what I saw. The smoke pluming out of chimneys, the snow-covered cars rumbling down the street, the kids charging down the mostly shoveled sidewalks with their brightly colored backpacks. Lily gnawed on my hair and listened for a good moment or two before she screwed up her pretty face and started to cry.
Not five seconds later, I also screwed up mine.
“That time again, huh?” I took her to the changing table and after shedding my jacket, made quick work of her very dirty diaper. “One good thing, at least you can’t spray my suit,” I told her.
